30. Archaeology
The Scout is very knowledgeable about history, so that will work in his favor. But we can’t really picture him trying to excavate delicate artifacts without those pasty gorilla fists of his accidentally grinding them into very culturally significant dust.
29. Dentistry
Our next example of “Seriously, how is this a merit badge?”: Dentistry. What the fuck, Boy Scouts? But Scoutmaster Henry has knocked out a few teeth in his day, that has to count for something.
28. Fishing
Scoutmaster Henry would probably be pretty good at this if he were only more enthusiastic about the activity. Somehow we just don’t see sitting motionless in a camp chair next to a muddled creek for hours on end to be particularly appealing to the Scout.
27. Fly Fishing
This one is slightly better. Same issue as the previous badge entry, but at least with this one he gets to throw things and yell a bunch. That can’t hurt.
26. Motorboating
Motorboating is about as close to fishing with dynamite as we think we’re gonna be able to do for the Scout with the programs we have available to us here. So we figure it’s his best bet to land a big catch. However, on that note…
25. Pets
Scoutmaster Henry owns fish. We have no way to prove that, but in both ours and your heart of hearts you know it has to be a fact. So the scout knows fish, but beyond that, we make no guarantees for his ability to care for pets.
24. Wilderness Survival
The Scout has got a lot of heart and a strong will to live, which is definitely going to help him in earning this one. But avoiding roving packs of stray dogs on Hermosa Beach is much different than surviving them in the deep wild (we think they’re called wolves there). Still, if he put his mind to it, Scoutmaster Henry would probably build one hell of a lean-to.
23. Sustainability
It’s one thing to talk a big game about sustainability. It’s a whole other thing to do something about it in order to earn a small circular patch made of unrecyclable plastic. Once again, Scoutmaster Henry, you’ve got a long way to go here.
22. First Aid
Scoutmaster Henry came up in the D.C. hardcore scene in the ‘80s, so trust us, the Scout has dealt out more than his fair share of makeshift medical treatment. Between pit injuries, gobbing contracted infections and the sheer mental exhaustion of constant touring he’s undoubtedly learned quite a bit. Unfortunately, it’s all sketchy punk first aid involving rusty safety pins and salves made out of stuff from 7/11, so he’ll still likely have some catching up to do.
21. Citizenship In the World
Did Scoutmaster Henry have a travel show at one point or are we misremembering that? If he didn’t then he absolutely should have, but we could almost swear he had a show on NatGeo a while back. But show or no show he is still a ready world traveler and likely would do well here after clearing a few simple misunderstandings with the border patrol from back his touring days.