30. Blade Runner
I look so good in a duster I wear one year-round, no matter how hot it gets. Between that and my penchant for failing tests that prove I’m human, I think I would make a damn fine Deckard.
29. 48 Hrs.
It’s no secret what the weak point of this movie is — Eddie Murphy’s constant wisecracks are too much of a distraction from the action. I would like to play Reggie Hammond, and I would like to play him as mute.
28. Highlander
Now that I’ve flushed that poison the court appointent shrink had me on, I know that I can never die, even if you cut my head off. I could still play it like a guy who dies when you cut his head off though. It’s called acting.
27. Masters of the Universe
You would think my number one advantage over Dolph Lundgren is the fact that I speak English, but it’s actually the fact that I have the power.
26. Red Sonja
I understand that there is a serious representation problem when it comes to women starring in action movies, but there is an even greater representation problem when it comes to me starring in movies.
25. The Karate Kid
I have no problem playing the stooge and doing chores for Mr. Miyagi in order to learn his karate, but once I learned his techniques I would throw his no-kill policy right out the window and people would tremble in fear at my feet.
24. Leon the Professional
A stone-cold killer who has a questionable relationship with someone way too young? How was I not in this!?
23. The Crow
This take is not going to make me any friends, and I understand that, but just like Mark Wahlberg knows he could have stopped 9/11, I’ve always just known that I could have survived the bullet that killed Brandon Lee. If they went with me we would have a whole franchise on our hands.
22. Face Off
Me and Nicolas Cage’s character in “Face Off” are actually a lot alike, which would make things way smoother come role swap time.
21. Clear and Present Danger
Many actors have taken a crack at Jack Ryan, and they all miss something fundamental about the character — he’s supposed to be me. Much like Ryan, I always have a job where I’m not supposed to be fighting anyone, and I always wind up fighting people.