Love him or hate him, it’s hard to deny that Quentin Tarantino is one of the most influential auteur filmmakers of the last 30-plus years. He claims that he will be retiring after the completion of his upcoming film “The Movie Critic” and while we have a hard time believing him, we thought now would be a good point to rank his filmography so far. To be clear, it has nothing to do with our love of feet.
Okay, I offer this only in the interest of transparency and to get ahead of potential accusations down the road. Yes, I am a foot fetishist. Yes, Quentin Tarantino is ALSO a foot fetishist, and as the internet loves to point out, his films often go out of their way to display women’s feet. That is NOT why I am rewatching all of his movies and ranking them. As I stated previously, the man is retiring SOON, so, as a critic, it would be weird of me NOT to rank his filmography up until now at this time. It’s just the logical thing to do, I bet all the critics are doing it.
It is possible to be a foot fetishist and watch a movie that sure, at times, caters to your kink, but also, SEPARATE from that, enjoy the overall artistry of the film. I am a professional, and my sexual predilections do not influence my decisions of what to write about or my objectivity as a critic. Okay? OKAY?! Okay. Now, let’s dip our toes into this ranking.
12. Four Rooms
Technically this is not a Quentin Tarantino movie—the film is an interconnected anthology with 4 different directors, but we decided to throw it on. Though early in his career, “The Man From Holywood” segment draws heavily on what would only become a more prevalent influence within the Tarantino oeuvre, ’70s television. It is inspired by adaptations of Roald Dahl’s “The Man From The South,” the tale of a high-stakes gambler who bets not with money, but with body parts. In the short, a finger is on the line, and that’s where the whole thing falls off the rails. Should have been a toe. No, not because I love feet, it’s because losing a toe would mess with your life day to day way more. Think about it, your whole balance is off! This is NOT because of my foot thing, stop going there. A toe would have objectively been the more cinematic choice, and for that reason ALONE, I rank “Four Rooms” last.
11. Reservoir Dogs
Yes, I know, this will be a polarizing opinion, but I simply do not hold “Reservoir Dogs” in high regard. While it shows the promise of a great genre filmmaker it just doesn’t quite deliver the way his later work would. It should also be noted that this movie does not contain any foot shots, which I acknowledge only to get ahead of any accusations that the absence of foot fetishism on display has influenced my ranking, and I assure you it has not. This is not about that. At all. I can’t help it if my objective critical take on an almost universally praised crime movie goes against the grain, and I assure you my opinion of the film would not be any different if it did contain a few toe shots. Unless of course said toe shots were done tastefully and artistically, and with Tarantino they always are, so yeah okay it might raise the bar a little, but in an OBJECTIVE way!
10. The Hateful Eight
Oh boy, I can just see the comment section now. “Hey, this guy is just ranking all the footless movies last!” Nothing could be further from the truth. “The Hateful Eight” was just a miss for me. Sure, it has a few things going for it. The cinematography is gorgeous. The Ennio Morricone score is hypnotic and sublime. Every performance in the film is superb, and the slow-boil plot is captivating, keeping the viewer on the edge of their seat from start to finish, which is particularly impressive because most of the action takes place in a single room. The film is extremely well-directed. All of the elements of a masterpiece are there, but there’s just something missing. I can’t quite put my foot on it. Oh, I mean finger. Hey, shut up! It’s totally normal to mix those two up!
9. From Dusk Till Dawn
This experimental collaboration yielded mixed results. Truth be told, the half of the film directed by Tarantino is the weaker of the two, honestly one of his least interesting efforts to date. Perhaps this is because Tarantino was more concerned with his acting performance in the film, which is the saving grace of the picture. The chemistry between Tarantino and Salma Hayek is magnetic. Believe it or not, they don’t actually exchange any dialogue! Trust me, I rewatch their scene almost daily. and not a word is shared between them. Pretty wild considering they are the most erotically charged couple in cinema history!
8. Death Proof
While Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’s second collaboration wasn’t as commercially successful as they had hoped, “Death Proof” as a standalone film deserves higher praise. When Tarantino learned that Rodriguez made the baffling decision to have Rose McGowan actually lose a foot in his movie, he knew exactly what to do in “Death Proof” to balance out the “Grindhouse” double feature package.
7. Kill Bill: Vol 1
There was a 6-year gap between the release of “Jackie Brown” and “Kill Bill Vol 1,” the largest gap in Tarantino’s filmography to date, but with this movie he proved he could still wiggle his big toe, creatively speaking. No, I didn’t make that joke because I’m a foot fetishist, it was right there. If you were writing a blurb about “Kill Bill’s” place in Tarantino’s filmography, you would have arrived at the same joke okay? This combined homage to revenge genre films and ’70s kung fu movies high-kicked the Tarantino name back to the forefront of conversation regarding the best directors in American cinema. Again, not mentioning kicks because of my foot thing, it came up organically. Okay fine, Uma Thurman’s feet are featured prominently in this film and it makes me so horny I actually get really dizzy, is that what you want to hear?! Fine!
6. Kill Bill: Vol 2
While the first Kill Bill movie showed us Quentin Tarantino still had it, Volume 2 showed us what he could do with it. Any other director would be hard tasked pivoting a kung fu revenge homage into a Western, but Tarantino does it here as seamlessly and effortlessly as Uma Thurman crushes Daryl Hannah’s eyeball with her bare foot. What? She does! Look I’m being objective here, okay? I graduated from NYU, I’m a professional film critic, and in my EXPERT opinion, Uma Thurman showing that eyeball it’s just a helpless worm under the weight of her foot’s dominant feminine energy is high cinema regardless of any foot-related sexual proclivities I may or may not but absolutely do have, end of story!
5. Inglourious Basterds
One of Tarantino’s greatest strengths is his casting. He is credited with revitalizing the careers of actors like John Travolta and Harvey Keitel. In this film, he propelled longtime television actor Christoph Waltz into international stardom. Waltz is truly menacing as Col. Hans Landa, a terrifying nazi with a Sherlock Holmes-like cunning. The moment he tells Bridget von Hammersmark “Put your foot on my lap” you know that she is doomed, and you can’t look away. Because of the tension. Not the foot. Doesn’t hurt! Certainly doesn’t subtract from the scene, in this foot fetishist film critic’s opinion, but that’s not why I’m pointing it out, it’s just a great scene.
4. Jackie Brown
If you know anything about Quentin Tarantino’s upbringing you know he grew up on ’70s Blacksploitation movies, so it must have been a dream come true for him to make a film starring Pam Grier and Bridget Fonda’s toe rings.
3. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Aside from the bombastic finale, this film is devoid of the violence and crime drama that became his trademark. This is a filmmaker fully realized, making the movie he wants to make—a love letter to ’60s Hollywood—unconcerned with our expectations, or our prudish notions regarding the sexualization of women’s feet.
2. Django Unchained
See? SEE?! I put “Django Unchained” all the way up at #2 even though it doesn’t contain a single sexualized shot of a woman’s foot! Believe me, I’ve checked several times. And don’t try accusing me of bumping it so high just to prove that my ranking has nothing to do with feet, it ranks high because of the undeniable quality of the film alone. Is it convenient for me that one of his objectively best films contains no sexualized feet? Yes. Do I also have a thing for horses? Sure. Does this movie feature a lot of strong powerful horses in all their equine majesty? Oh brother, you better believe it, but that has nothing to do with its place in my ranking either.
1. Pulp Fiction
Hey, it’s the obvious choice for a reason. “Pulp Fiction” is the crown jewel of the ’90s independent cinema boom, a cultural touchstone that will undoubtedly be discussed for decades to come. Perhaps a large part of what keeps “Pulp Fiction” in the conversation is the film’s central mystery, which is infamously never revealed. There are endless fan theories and speculations, but Tarantino to this day refuses to answer the question “Did Tony Rocky Horror give Mia Wallace a foot massage?” It’s like the box in “Barton Fink” or the briefcase in… oh, wait, the briefcase was also in “Pulp Fiction.” Okay yeah, now that I think about it, I guess that’s probably the more discussed thing.