You finally did it, after watching countless hours of home renovation videos on YouTube you finally finished your sex dungeon. Now it’s time to convince some of your more adventurous friends to come over and try out some of the amenities. To set the perfect mood you are going to need the right soundtrack, and that absolutely should consist of a single song from Jimmy Eat World, it makes absolutely no sense to play any of their songs while sucking, fucking, or both at the same time. But here are the 15 worst songs for your foray into the world of BDSM. (Listen along to the playlist)
15. “Let It Happen”
The simple fact of the matter is this song is a bit too upbeat for any sex dungeon playlist. Everyone knows that darker music fits the mood better. Also, this song has multiple moments where the vocals could sound like mocking laughter. Maybe this works for someone with a humiliation kink, but most people will find it distracting.
14. “Feeling Lucky”
A song with a lyric “Suck that lucky feeling out of me” might seem like a fit for your filthy fuck palace, but the fact of the matter is there are going to be a few people who aren’t “feeling so lucky” because their Dom just hooked a car battery up to their nipples. They claim they like it, but the screaming makes everyone uncomfortable.
13. “For Me This Is Heaven”
This is a song you put on a mix tape for your crush back in high school. Back then it was much easier for you to get off. This song would just serve as a reminder of more innocent times, when simple penetrative sex was all it took, you would find yourself humming along while a large man in boots grinds his heel into your balls and be so distracted you wouldn’t feel a thing.
12. “Please Say No”
If “No” is your safe word then you are going to ruin the sex dungeon experience for everyone. Think of something more creative. A word that people don’t use in passing conversation all that often. Try words like “Caveman” or “Sweetness” instead. If this song was written by Trent Reznor and was about some sort of sodomy then it would be a good fit, but Jimmy Eat World still has yet to write their sodomy anthem.
11. “Action Needs An Audience”
This song title makes a lot of assumptions about the types of people you will be inviting over. Yes, some people are going to want an audience when they are flogged, gagged, or being mocked for their tiny, almost invisible penis, but some people still want to be flogged, gagged, and have their tiny, almost invisible penis mocked in private.
10. “23”
Sure this song might seem like a good idea at first, it’s a bit slow and somber. But inevitably someone in your sex dungeon is going to be a huge fan of Michael Jordan. They will start harping about how Lebron and Kobe are trash compared to Jordan. It’s going to really ruin the vibe, sports and bondage do not mix.
9. “Closer”
If this were the the Nine Inch Nails song of the same name you would be in business. Great choice for your playlist, but instead this song is a mid-paced rock song that never once mentions fucking anyone like an animal. A complete miss by Jimmy Eat World here.
8. “Blister”
Oh no, your Dom bought a new pair of boots and she didn’t break them in properly. This song reminds them that they need some quick help fixing their new footwear so they don’t get a painful blister. This unassuming rock song is now the reason you are on all fours shining a pair of thigh-high boots with your tongue.
7. “Stop”
Another bad choice for a safe word. And the song itself is too light for the nasty things you and your associates do on a nightly basis. If you can imagine this song being played while you have your entire fist in someone’s anus then you might be even more depraved then you realize.
6. “Pain”
This song title is a bit on the nose, and honestly it doesn’t deliver. If you are going to have a song called “Pain” you want it to have a Type O-Negative and be some sort of instruction manual about how to ratchet up the pain to deliver the ultimate pleasure, which is of course a massive orgasm that is no problem at all thanks to the high end flooring you installed that is easily cleaned, and prevents slipping.
5. “The Middle
Yeah this is a great song for almost any playlist. But there is a huge problem having it on your sex dungeon playlist. Everyone is going to start singing along, tapping their toes, and bopping their heads for the entirety of the song. Is that what you want? A fun time singing with friends? Or do you want to humiliate each other sexually to the point you don’t make eye contact if you see each other in public? Thought so.
4. “Cut”
Here is another song that you think might actually fit in with the theme. Surely you have a couple friends that are into knife play. But our friends in Jimmy Eat World say “I’m sorry” way too many times in this song, and this dungeon is not a place for remorse, it’s a well ventilated place for absolute depravity.
3. “Bleed American”
The title track from Jimmy Eat World’s breakout album is an absolute classic, and this album also came out a few months before 9/11 and the album was then renamed “Jimmy Eat World” following the attacks. Why is this a big deal in your dungeon? Because one person is surely going to know that fact and start talking about how jet fuel can’t melt steel beams while you are being suspended from your testicles.
2. “Pass The Baby”
The song title alone is enough to make this a terrible choice. If you can’t get a babysitter then you cannot be in the sex dungeon, that’s one of the only rules you have and if anyone argues with that then maybe you need to alert the authorities.
1. “Hear You Me”
This song is about a person who died in a car crash who was friends with Jimmy Eat World. There are a lot of kinks out there, but most reasonable people don’t want to be thinking about the tragic loss of life while being pegged.