45. Lynn
I have nothing against Lynn, but I can only imagine that in her time away from work she is the type of person that looks forward to an annual trip to Disneyland with her sister.
44. Todd Packer
This a serious band and there is just no way that Todd Packer will treat it with the respect it deserves. He would come to practice late claiming he got held up banging my mom, and I’d know in the back of my head it’s a joke, but what if it wasn’t? That would be really tough to get over.
43. Helene Beesly
There is no other way of saying this, but this is not a band for grandmothers. If we were doing Bonnie Raitt covers then she would be great, but we aren’t. We are singing songs about monsters, aliens, and death.
42. Lonny Collins
If I let Lonny in the band he would spend the entire time roasting my mesh tank top and fingerless gloves and it would be a distraction. I need people that embrace Misfits fashion, not mock it.
41. Phyllis Vance/Lapin
Again, having an old lady in the band is just a bad visual. We already know the crowd is going to be going nuts, rushing the stage and she’s probably going to get knocked into the drum kit and then Bob Vance would kick the crap out of me.
40. Stanley Hudson
Stanley is an easy person to rank this low. There is a 100% chance he’s never heard of the Misfits, he would definitely think the outfits look silly, and we know he has a bad heart. We can’t have his heart explode in the middle of the set, that might seem kind of cool, but moving a dead body is always a bummer.
39. Roy Anderson
Again, as nice as it would be to have a bruiser in the band it’s just not worth the risk. What if this guy takes the entire band fund to buy more jetskis with his brother? It would totally screw us, and I need this. It’s all I have.
38. Nellie Bertram
I’m a purist, in a perfect world every person in this band would be from New Jersey, but I know that’s unrealistic. However, there is no way I could invite a Brit to be in the band. The Misfits are as American as candy apples with razor blades.
37. Matt
The only traits we really know about Matt are that he is dumb, and he might be gay. Does he play any instruments? Did he ever go to a Warped Tour? We have no idea, I wouldn’t say no to him being in the band, but he’s going to need to nail the audition.
36. Jordan Garfield
Nobody really knew what to do with Jordan on the show and it would be the same with this band. Is she going to play bass, work the merch table, or maybe just hang out in the practice space? You probably forgot she was even on the show.
35. Donna
If you are going to play in Teenagers From Mars the band is going to need full commitment. Unfortunately, Donna has real issues to work out in her marriage, and although I think this band is more important than marriage, I’m not sure she feels the same way.
34. Karen Filippelli
We’ve heard Karen sing “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” at Phyllis’ wedding and I’ll be honest. She really doesn’t have what it takes. If you think she can croon like Danzig then you need your ears checked my friend.
33. David Wallace
If David Wallace’s son was trying to be in the band it would be a no-brainer, the kid is a legit drummer. Unfortunately, the elder Wallace is not as talented and he’s kind of a corporate sellout. Not the type of guy I’m looking for.
32. Bob Vance
I can’t shake the feeling that between every song Bob would say something like “Thank you, that one was called ‘Skulls’ and I’m Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.” This would make the whole set feel like an advertisement, and the Misfits and capitalism don’t mix.
31 . Holly Flax
I know Holly considers herself a fun person, but there are too many Misfits lyrics that would make an HR professional uncomfortable. We can’t have her making changes to the sacred words Danzig wrote in a Lodi graveyard, probably.