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🔒 The Top 5 Comments on Hard Drive Articles This Week

Welcome back everyone. This week’s comments feature adult themes, so if you are under 18 years old, please don’t tell your parents you saw any of this. 

With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s talk about that Mary Jane, that kush, the devil’s grass, that stuff you smoke because it works better than melatonin gummies:

5. PlayStation 5 to Bring Back That Slot for Hiding Your Weed In

This strain? This is a vintage 2003 Horse Stank, aged and cooked to perfection by a PS2 I bought on eBay. If you’d prefer something harder, I also have some Blue City Diesel that was left in during a back to back playthrough of Metal Gear Solid 2 and 3 — that fucks you up real good. I hope they legalize weed soon, because I am too socially anxious to find a dealer and so far this is the only method of obtaining it that I’ve managed to figure out.

4. Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World

I really would like to encourage our readers to take on this challenge, but unfortunately my GameFAQs guide for breaking into the Louvre was taken down by the French government. They’re so concerned about “real” art that they don’t even stop to think about the sick ASCII art I typed up featuring me tasing a guard. If you are going to attempt this for the gamer cred, do keep in mind you only get one try.

3. Gamer Can’t Help But Hear ‘Continue?’ Every Day When Waking Up

Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for these arresting words, TotallyNotJ. After hearing this story, we had Hard Drive artists recreate TotallyNotJ’s sleep deprived vision:

The worst part is that after hitting continue, he had to start all the way back at the beginning of an unskippable lecture. 

2. Psychic Beats Shit Out of Man Counting Tarot Cards

A little known fact about psychics is that they can not only predict your future, but ruin it too. Anyone who has played Metal Gear Solid knows that you shouldn’t pick these kinds of fights. Especially if you are a Pisces; your stats will just be far too low. Far too low. Look at me, Pisces. Don’t do it.

1. Vengeful God Moves On to Next Thing Tumblr Holds Dear

When you make fun of Tumblr, Tumblr arrives.

I was able to move past the sale to Yahoo, the removal of porn, Hamilton fanfic writers scamming people by feigning HIV, Dashcon, Communismkills, Superwholock, bone stealing, white girls pretending to be from India, diet pill scams, piss jello, the Homestuck fandom, white girls pretending to be Native American, endless discourse, Kickstarter scams, otherkin, and toe necklaces — but the thing that made me finally give up that hellsite site was the god-awful puns. God is trying to save you from yourselves.

Thank you so much for your comments, everybody. Remember, if you want a chance to be in next week’s column, be sure to leave a funny comment on any of our posts on social media! Now go ahead and bust out that good PS2 weed so you can have yourself a nice smoke and an even nicer weekend.