WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump debuted a completely new pronunciation of the holiday “Cinco De Mayo” while addressing local reporters at the White House today, confirmed several journalists struggling to spell it out phonetically for their news outlets.
“It started out like most other comments from the president, going over what internet celebrity he’s beefing with and expressing interest in hearing from people who died decades ago. And then it happened,” said reporter Noelle Dean. “Usually the room is buzzing with reporters shouting questions. But everything stopped. There was an uncharacteristic silence in the room. Not because we were shocked, we just weren’t sure what he was talking about. Also because he said it in a way that sounded like he was soft launching a new racial slur to his base.”
President Trump didn’t even seem to notice that he mispronounced the name of the annual celebration.
“You know, Mexicans, they’re great people. Well, some of them are not so great,” said President Trump. “That’s why the wall is so important. And China, they know about walls. Trust me, you do not want to be in China, people. They will lock you in a room for eating pizza, it’s true. Nasty place. Except that Wang Chung. Incredible singer, huge talent. But the food. That’s why I trust Taco Bell. You never go wrong with a Chalupa on May 5th, or as I like to call it, Shinko del Maiypo [sic].”
Marian Di Stefano, a linguistics expert specializing in presidential vernacular, offered her insights.
“This is a pretty typical Trumpism. Instinct would lead you to believe he would pronounce it as whitely as humanly possible, but people underestimate how much this man loves attempting to sound ethnic,” said Di Stefano. “Of course he gets it completely wrong and that is why we end up with such novel pronunciations. That’s how we got him saying Puerto Rico with like five h’s. It’s not that he can’t hear the way things come out, which is an issue for many people who mispronounce things. It’s more a complete lack of awareness of reality.”
At press time, there were whispers that President Trump will soon release a new pronunciation of Flag Day.