FAIRFAX, Va. – Local punk parents Cindy Brooklyn and Liam Hillhurst were found playing a new game called “The Toilet is Lava” with their children on a public playground as a means to teach them about the dangers of venue restrooms, sources confirmed.
“As a parent, you’re always thinking about preparedness,” said the mother of two. “You know, how can we get them ready for all the obstacles that are inherent to the punk scene? But motivation is hard with kids. It’s easier to turn something into a game rather than explaining to them what toilet seat chlamydia is or why the potty isn’t white. So we came up with the game to essentially cause a sudden fear of toilets with one easy trigger phrase. We feel really good about making sure they’ll beat the odds and practice good hygiene.”
Savannah Brooklyn, one of the children in the toilet avoidance training program, shared her experience.
“Dude, we’ve been playing The Toilet is Lava for like just a few weeks now and I’m already totally killing it. It’s my new favorite game. Once they yell ‘the toilet is lava!’ you won’t see my tush anywhere near that toilet, even when I’m going number one,” said the younger Brooklyn. “We mime it at the playground. We haven’t tried with number two yet. I’m begging them to let me advance! My parents said I have such a natural ability, I might even make it to the Olympics one day. But I have to keep training. I even cleared the Category 6 Lava Explosion level which is like, unheard of, apparently.”
Dierdre Blackwood, notable child psychologist, shed some light on this method of child-rearing.
“It’s so important to positively frame experiences for children. The way we react to situations will stick with them and forever shape how they respond to stimuli,” said Blackwood from his office. “So it’s really a beautiful gift this family is giving to their children. They’ll remember having fun bonding with their family and overcoming obstacles rather than watching two punks hold each others’ hair while puking into the same toilet. I think these kids are gonna go far in life.”
As of press time, the Brooklyn family are now reportedly working on The Silent Game to prepare their children for encounters with police officers.