NEW YORK — Local man and frequent shirt-wearer Tim Abderman stands accused of being a total poser due to his failure to identify any of the 146 garment workers who perished in the 1911 Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, unimpressed sources confirmed.
“Look, I get it. Sometimes you see someone wearing a shirt and you think they couldn’t possibly be a fan,” the 29-year old investment banker admitted. “Just because I wear something that people associate with an artist or group doesn’t mean I’m some jerk who doesn’t appreciate garment-making. I just can’t name all of the workers who perished in a horrifying, easily-avoidable factory fire that happened a long time ago. Apparently that’s a fucking crime.”
Members of the community were less forgiving about Abderman’s inability to memorize the names of even one victim.
“These days, anybody can walk into a store like Target and buy a shirt, as if they knew anything about what that shirt represents,” hardcore shirt punk Alex Jaycee complained. “True shirt-heads know that you need a certain level of understanding and appreciation before donning a shirt just because you think it looks cool. Respect your history, man.”
Dr. Katherine Alberts, History of Textile Labor professor at the University of Santa Barbara, hopes this incident spreads awareness and curiosity about the humans behind these easy-to-purchase fashion choices.
“I would never support exclusivity and gate-keeping in the shirt scene,” Dr. Alberts said. “But I will note that this information is easily accessible online, seeing as this was one of the largest and significant tragedies in the industry. Plus, there are plenty of knowledgeable shirt fans who are more than happy to share with anyone who expresses interest. Perhaps Mr. Abderman should do some self-reflection next time he gets dressed.”
As of press time, Abderman still defends his right to wear what he wants without judgment, although he is considering Googling “what is a shirtwaist?”