BROOKLYN, N.Y. — An Ira Glass lookalike contest was held at a Yo La Tengo concert this week, confirmed sources who weren’t sure whether it…
CHICAGO — Local woman Wendy Sachs felt “incredibly lucky” to hear the worst cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” ever written by a human in her…
MODESTO, Calif. — A local arsonist who torched a brand new Cybertruck as it sat on the lot of a nearby Tesla dealership claims his…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Scientists announced that the ashes of a cremated punk were so toxic that it would likely poison the entire local ecosystem for…
ABILENE, Texas — Local school sports fan Steven Flick will no longer offer his support if there’s a chance he could accidentally ogle a trans…
WASHINGTON — Justices of the Supreme Court announced that they will release their opinions early to select subscribers of a new Patreon account for die-hard…
BALTIMORE — A new report issued by John Hopkins University revealed local woman Cassie Maloney is showing early signs of settling for a partner that…
SAN FRANCISCO — Aaron Benet, CEO of tech start-up CodeVibe, sent a company-wide email explaining that he will be implementing a return to office policy…
CHICAGO — Teenager Liam Mason is desperately holding out hope that Riot Fest’s mystery lineup will include a reunion of his bitterly divorced parents, sympathetic…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local man Nate Weiss is reportedly struggling to make his relationship work after girlfriend Julia Shepard moved into a new building with…
VATICAN CITY — Teenage tourists, Ronny Brewster, 17, and his best friend James “Cobra” Mooreston, 16, inadvertently elected a new Pope after getting caught vaping…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump issued a mandate that all federal employees must cease obtaining vaccinations and instead schedule weekly Botox injections, confirmed sources. “We…
VATICAN CITY – The Holy See Press Office announced that Pope Francis chose the calming embrace of death rather than experience any additional time spent…
HOUSTON — A local 39-year-old Rockets fan’s entire financial future is dependent on hitting a promotional half-court shot worth $100,000, said nearby sources. “I don’t…
NEW YORK — Local punk rocker and present-day messiah, Lenny “Resin” Jackson stunned the masses crashing at his squat by using his divine abilities to…