CHICAGO — Thirty-eight-year-old millennial and grocery store manager Tyler Bretlin was shocked to vividly re-experience the iconic opening credits scene of the early 2000s teen…
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders claimed another victory after signing a bill allowing parents to leave their children locked in vehicles on…
MENDHAM TOWNSHIP, N.J. — Florida governor Ron DeSantis awoke the morning after a GOP presidential hopeful slumber party to discover the word “WOKE” written on…
TROLLSTIGEN, Norway — Teenage punks Xavier Martinez and Sydney Black were shocked to discover that the address of a house show would only be revealed…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Gibson Brands Inc. announced plans to debut their new signature line of Flying V Jet Skis at the 2024 National Association of…
DES MOINES, Iowa — GOP presidential hopeful Vivek Ramaswamy faces another cease and desist order, this time from singer Morrissey accusing him of plagiarising the…
PHILADELPHIA — Jealous husband and punker Shaun Grables is starting to suspect that his wife is secretly having sex with The Dead Milkmen while he’s…
LOS ANGELES — A rather hilarious Petey sketch where he plays at least a half dozen characters was reportedly not filmed and performed at full…
PATERSON, N.J. — Local punk and high school junior Terry Probost, who often claims to miss the grimy, dangerous, pre-Guiliani New York City, is actually…
SAN JOSE — Local man Chris Bendar, 32, very carefully found a verbal path around mentioning TikTok when recommending Petey’s new album “USA” to a…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A mysterious pile of previously unidentified material floating in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Oregon was identified by scientists as…
WASHINGTON — A crowd of onlookers gathered at the entrance of a Safeway supermarket in Columbia Heights in tingling anticipation of a lone shopping cart…
EUGENE, Ore. — Arthur “Sweaty” Grant, a punk physical education teacher at Churchill High School, expressed that incoming freshman student Jaime Peron has what it…
ARLINGTON, Va. – Army officials at the Pentagon debuted a new, realistic recruitment commercial that portrays a recruit masturbating four times a day in a…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Cecil Clarke admitted that the only contribution he made to his upcoming wedding is researching potential honeymoon locations by listening to…