PATERSON, N.J. — Jeff Ackres, a prominent adult virgin, is currently deciding between tempting recruitment offers from both the involuntary celibate community and the fandom…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local woman Monica Langley reported that the constant negative feelings surrounding her new apartment were a direct result of a near-fatal carbon…
The best thing about music, whether it be punk or metal or any genre of music that has been around long enough to establish strong…
GUILFORD, Conn. — 36-year-old punk Finn Birch is reportedly telling everyone about the show he went to this weekend, with roughly 90 percent of his…
LOS ANGELES — Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) announced the addition of a new terminal only accessible by taking a regional flight before departing for…
ARLINGTON, Va. – Girlfriends across the US recently announced their newfound enthusiasm for seeing a three-hour movie in theaters thanks to “Taylor Swift: The Eras…
MINNEAPOLIS — An abandoned building that used to house a popular microbrewery in the heart of downtown will be repurposed back into a manufacturing plant,…
ITHACA, N.Y. — A new report conducted by local baby boomer Paul Rundle states that vinyl, which he used to own “tons of” back in…
NILES, Calif. — Beloved local brewery Skunk River Craft Brew Co. received a substantial fine for failure to comply with government ordinances requiring cornhole, the…
WASHINGTON — Rep. George Santos continued to assert his innocence after being charged with wire fraud and conspiracy and announced he added activist Rachel Dolezal…
HOUSTON — Aspiring prog metal guitarist Paul Issacson watched the 1962 film version of “The Music Man under the incorrect assumption that it depicts the…
DENVER — Developers of a new luxury condominium announced that their new building would be named ‘The Hippodrome’ after the legendary music venue that was…
SAGINAW, Mich. — Father, husband, and delivery driver Gary Lillet recently exhumed his Fender Telecaster guitar and Peavey Classic 30 amp from a storage unit,…
BEL AIR, Md. — Elder punk Cameron McClintock was recently addressed as “sir” by staff at an area Hot Topic while wearing an aged “Milo…
LOS ANGELES — Audience members in attendance at a recent taping of “The Masked Singer” were stunned when the contestant standing there frozen for three…