CATONSVILLE, Md. — Local punk and terrible uncle Chris Middleton was genuinely unsure if his 5-year-old nephew might be too young to watch the suicide…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Wunderkind nine-year-old magician Bucky Hancock wowed a crowd of children and parents at his sister Allison’s birthday party in the Altura Park…
WASHINGTON — Former President Donald Trump announced that he is now just one indictment away from receiving a free, six-inch hoagie from the federal courthouse…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Members of the hard-working stoner rock band, Fuzz Aldrin, were elated to learn this week that they would be graduating to 10-point…
Here at the Hard Times, we’re no strangers to waking up from a drug-induced slumber in a dingy bathroom next to a bunch of random…
SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local punk Frankie Walker was assumed to be the dominant one of his scene due to an impressive display of spikes on…
APPLETON, Wis. — The recent business merger of spooktacular megacorporation Spirit Halloween and the local Army Navy surplus store in Appleton, Wisconsin created a sense…
LOS ANGELES — Live music extortion racket Ticketmaster recently celebrated the surprise release of a brand new feature to its service where they send a…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Tenants of a local punk house are locked in a bitter discourse of what actually constitutes garbage, despite weeks of living amongst…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Aging hardcore guy and noted crowd killer Tom Reilly reportedly received a gold X Swatch for his decades-long career as a pit…
LAREDO, Texas — Conservative Tanner Oakenson recently committed his life to destroying all forms of fictional child abuse invented by his favorite conservative podcasters and…
DES MOINES, Iowa — All 65 million members of Generation X around the country celebrated after finally realizing their goal of becoming invisible to the…
CLEVELAND — Officials at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s Elvis Presley exhibit announced they will be copying the exact layout of the African…
WASHINGTON—Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) was briefly hospitalized earlier this week after a reported altercation with legendary vampire hunter Van Helsing, multiple Beltway insiders confirmed. “Oh,…
PITTSBURGH — Popular language learning app, Duolingo announced they will be adding a new “Eddie Vedder” course to their catalog designed to help members learn…