NEW YORK — High-ranking Ticketmaster executive Chuck Dickenson reportedly charged significant fees to three ghosts who were visiting to teach him a timely lesson about…
DETROIT — Local man Stuart Bask magically began his transformation into an unfunny conservative after he accidentally killed comedian Tim Allen and discovered that he…
WASHINGTON — President Biden issued thousands of pardons related to marijuana possession in a move that experts say will negate decades of Vice President Harris’…
LOS ANGELES – Local mom Sally Perryman continues to worry that her daughter’s longtime close friend Josephine Lukas — originally met via an online message…
CHICAGO — Local goth couple Caleb and Adrienne Simmons recently decided to break the news to their children that Jack Skellington is not real, sources…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Stanford University’s Fear Response & Behavioral Sciences Department officially confirmed “Can we talk?” as the scariest text of all time, according…
MILWAUKEE – Identical punk twins Ryan and Bryan Ohland recently revealed their ability to sense when the other is jonesing for a cigarette, sources who…
LOS ANGELES — Local musician Brian Herring is reportedly making a decent living as a working musician but is reluctant to mention his marriage to…
WATERLOO, Iowa — A recent independent poll found Donald Trump’s draconian immigrant policies were polling overwhelmingly positive among users of the social media network Nextdoor,…
BOSTON — Local mallard Ruddy assured his girlfriend that his odd corkscrew-shaped penis is what all duck phalluses look like, perturbed sources confirmed. “So we’d…
WICHITA, Kan. — Local horror punk outfit Shattered Heirloom reportedly only writes songs about family trauma as they are influenced by indie entertainment company A24,…
LOS ANGELES — Software engineer Christina Perry pampered herself with a restorative seven-day weed and cough medicine binge to make up for her lack of…
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — The annual holiday gift exchange at Clarkson Valley Police Department consisted entirely of Punisher items for the fifth year in a…
BOSTON — Studies conducted at MIT show that when visiting a Chipotle Mexican Grill location, the person in front of you will always be a…
SAN DIEGO — Local man Andrew Hannigan was disappointed after joining a cult he incorrectly assumed was centered around depraved sexual activity, sources confirm. “Well,…