LINCOLN, Neb. — Local post-punk revival band Shadow Impaction played to a record 128 mostly unwilling patrons at Frankie’s Den following a local tornado warning…
BOISE, Idaho — Up-and-coming band Settler’s Pit are desperately trying to sell their kidneys to pay for gas just one week into their first full…
Nickelback Firmly Insists No AI Helped Write New Concept Album About Quantum Physics and Geopolitics
Nickelback Firmly Insists No AI Helped Write New Concept Album About Quantum Physics and Geopolitics
HANNA, Alberta — Rock band Nickelback reportedly dismissed swirling rumors that their new album “Geopolitical Quantum: An Analysis of Cosmic Diplomacy” was generated by AI…
NEW YORK — The annual “Punk Humanitarian of the Year” award was given to local drunk Rick Johnson who selflessly gave away over 35 loose…
LOWELL, Mass. — Local addict Sam Agnew asked his coke hookup to keep his tab open after the drug dealer upgraded to a cashless system…
FALL RIVER, Mass. — Local 37-year-old punk Ryan Foley realized he had inadvertently abstained from drugs and alcohol long enough to be considered straight edge,…
LOS ANGELES — Dead Kennedy’s superfan Mike Luger was in for a surprise today after he discovered that his new Jello Biafra GPS voice was…
NASHVILLE — Controversial country singer Jason Aldean recently penned a solemn ode to the Boston police officer who rapidly tumbled down a children’s slide, sources…
LINCOLN, Mass. — Local homeowner Shauneese Fortenberry was surprised to receive a “punk” singing telegram yesterday that left the entire front of her house in…
KANSAS CITY, Mo.— Local man Zane Starzyk is beside himself with stress and frustration after taking a mental health day that completely fucked up the…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Trevor Delphry, a self-described “crypto wrangler” and member of several known white supremacist groups, recently found himself unable to make death threats…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local 39-year-old Perry Lawson is one of the many millennials across the globe honoring the death of comedy legend Paul Reubens by…
AMHERST, Mass. — Your friend once again asked if you plan to ever have children, like you’re not reeling with insane costs of living, an…
JANESVILLE, Wisc. — Tom Howard, a local 39-year-old with a rare Saturday afternoon to himself, was faced with a startling realization that a porn star…
MEQUON, Wisc. — Local Milwaukee Brewers superfan and lifelong edgeman Paul Grazow continually knocks the team’s merchandise out of his own hands due to his…