CHICAGO — Local public bus driver Charlene Algren is fed up with the third “Speed” situation that forced her bus into a heart-pumping thrill ride…
SAN ANTONIO — Employees at the Hot Topic store in Ingram Park Mall are working diligently to replace all of the Halloween season “The Nightmare…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden was reportedly startled late last night after he was unexpectedly visited by his own ghost, concerned aides confirmed. “Listen up…
The streets of New York are a little less dangerous for C-suite healthcare executives now that Luigi Mangione is in a Pennsylvania jail. But our…
MOORPARK, Calif. — Local charitable punk Branden Shaffer helped raise an unprecedented number of individual cigarettes during a holiday donation drive, according to coughing sources.…
PENNSAUKEN, N.J. — The makers of the Scrub Daddy recently introduced a new companion product, the “Scrub Sub,” which is meticulously designed to drink up…
WASHINGTON — Democratic voters were left puzzled today after the party’s latest round of fundraising emails was just Nancy Pelosi asking if they could drive…
LAS VEGAS — Professional magician and illusionist Criss Angel recently revealed he no longer suffers from mind-freak dysfunction ever since he started using the popular…
So, you got got. It’s okay, it happens to the best of us, and it’s all part of the game! Rug pulls by dishonest internet…
NEW YORK — Hip hop mogul Jay-Z discreetly paid off Luigi Mangione’s early court costs as a sign of appreciation to the suspected assassin for…
WASHINGTON — A newly leaked Project 2025 memo revealed a recent revision that would restrict nearly all forms of birth control, with the only approved…
LOS ANGELES — Acclaimed folk musician Joanna Newsom recently announced that the long-awaited follow-up to her most recent studio album was nearing completion, pending the…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local project manager Jason Butler is positive that advances in AI won’t threaten his employment, where he spends the majority of his…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Local record collector Sarah Rodriguez is elated that an LP she ordered a year in advance arrived to her by mail an…
ABERDEEN, Wash. — Local bald man Louis Grayson woke up in disarray after it was clear he was having another bad skull day, confirmed sources…