DENVER — A devastating 12-1 loss incurred by the Colorado Rockies at the hands of the Milwaukee Brewers was completely overshadowed by the DJ playing…
LINKÖPING, Sweden — An American punk backpacking through Europe reportedly refused to learn simple key phrases for the countries he is visiting, opting instead to…
GAZA CITY — Yosef Peretz, an IDF soldier stationed in watch towers at a Gaza Humanitarian Foundation aid station, is fearing for his life after…
RYE, N.Y. — A photo being used to help locate local missing boy James Dooley is shaking a community to its core, sources who wish…
PITTSBURGH — American Eagle announced a series of ads highlighting how good black people are at playing basketball in an attempt at a major course…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives announced a new federally funded program asking the incel community to voluntarily trade in…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A stunning rendition of The Beatles’ 1965 hit “Yesterday” by busker Alan Wentzel was completely overshadowed by an unhoused man masturbating in…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Major companies are reportedly scrambling to come up with workplace perks that can rival masturbating freely in the comfort of their own…
ATLANTA — Hooters announced that it would be closing dozens of stores nationwide as part of a bankruptcy restructuring plan, as their customer base has…
NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — Local doctor, and self-described nihilist, recommended more sleep for better mood, improved brain function, and a faster return to the endless…
CHICAGO — A new sleep study released today by DIY Labs confirmed that your current level of inebriation is woefully inadequate for a punk’s night’s…
HELL — Legendary professional wrestler, adulterer, and noted racist Hulk Hogan admitted he was confused as to why heaven seemed so much hotter than he…
CLEARWATER, Fla. — Hulk Hogan, famed professional wrestler, actor, and white nationalist, passed away earlier today, succumbing to health problems related to his nearly 40-year…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche is set to meet with Jeffrey Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell a few hours before she is found…
MILWAUKEE — Local 49-year-old musician Garry “Gax” Goodwin, lead singer of Oscar the Grouch Was Right, integrated a vocoder into his CPAP mask, confirmed sources…