SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 42-year-old punk Chet Roberts, who has spent the last 27 years living day-to-day in suspended teenage animation, isn’t sure what he…
BROWNSVILLE, Texas — SpaceX announced they will no longer be allowing school teachers on their spaceships following the second explosion of a Starship mega rocket…
CHICAGO — Local 10-year-old Jake Marshall got a surprising glimpse into adulthood during Take Your Child to Work Day when he discovered that his father,…
WASHINGTON — President Trump commented on the appearance of the Statue of Liberty calling it a “six, at best” during a press conference on the…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump attended Ash Wednesday service at St. John’s Episcopal Church, Lafayette Square, where he reportedly asked the reverend performing the service…
RICHMOND — Devoted tradwife Becky Johanson was reportedly shocked with the amount of anal involved with the lifestyle, reported wide-eyed neighbors and friends. “I was…
WASHINGTON — The Democratic Party announced their plans to respond to recent political upheaval by awarding the Book of the Year prize to bestselling pop-psychology…
LOS ANGELES — Controversial rapper Kanye West interrupted the Best Picture winner on stage at the Academy Awards to say the 1935 Nazi propaganda movie…
LOS ANGELES — Local parents Greg and Linda Dwyer reportedly continue to dismiss their son’s filmmaking career by referring to his critically-lauded work as “his…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump signed an executive order demanding Kid Vid be the sole member of the Burger King Kids Club, befuddled sources report.…
LOS ANGELES — A halftime performance by Icelandic post-rock band Sigur Rós led to an unheard of scoreless third quarter between the Golden State Warriors…
HAMTRAMCK, Mich. — Local dumpster diver Kev Grubbs treated himself to some wet food that was beyond his typical dry diet, according to sources at…
MESA, Ariz. — Local kinky couple Charles Huffman and Mallory Moore seemingly got aroused after coercing their friends and family to watch them profess their…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local punk Kevin Wilder admitted he was feeling slightly fatigued after he completed a 5K race during a circle pit during a…
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — A ceasefire has been reached after tense backstage negotiations at this weekend’s Battle of the Bands, confirmed relieved sources. “As fragile…