MILAN, Italy — The incorporeal specter that has haunted the historic La Scala opera house for more than two centuries recently came to accept the fact that, for the foreseeable future, the only cultural events he’ll be haunting are live podcast recordings, spooky sources confirmed.
“When I first started haunting this theater the stage was host to only the most refined drama serious and opera buffas to ever premiere. But now all I get to haunt are three white guys breaking down every episode of ‘The Cleveland Show.’ I have no idea how that premise requires two hours to record every week, or why anyone would listen to that crap,” said the ghost, just now considering that existing in the liminal fog between life and death may not be all it’s cracked up to be. “Having been a ghost here for two hundred and eleven years, I’ve seen my fair share of fads come through — and normally that’s fine. But after all the serial murderer Wikipedia pages I‘ve heard read on this stage it sometimes makes me wish I’d never been killed by that falling sandbag.”
Lauren Morrow, co-host of the ghost encounter storytelling/sex toy review podcast “Ghouls, Fools & Ass Tools,” asserted her live show’s relevance.
“The G-FAT podcast really prides itself on both our skeptical, even-handed approach to research and our commitment to providing the most elevated content possible,” said Morrow while updating the show’s Patreon tiers. “The way I see it, there isn’t any real difference between the old ballets they used to stage here and me talking about the legend of the Mississippi Swamp Devil while I test out this new brand of nipple deicer. That’s just the way culture is.”
Professional paranormal investigator Federico Manganzana gave his perspective on the famed apparition.
“What? Who gives a shit about what podcast or whatever is going on? You realize this means there’s definite evidence that fucking ghosts exist, right?” exclaimed a deeply frustrated Manganzana. “I’ve been working my whole life to have proof like this! Although I will admit, it’s kinda weird that our evidence for the existence of life after death is basically a very spooky iTunes rating.”
At the press time, the ghost had agreed to do a guest spot on the G-Fat podcast, which is being sponsored by Casper mattress.