WASHINGTON — The Trump administration ordered a trove of new documents related to the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr., which contains new information about Trump’s personal influence on the civil rights leader, sources close to Trump confirmed.
“Martin Luther King Jr. was a great man, I called him Marty, all his friends called him Marty, I’d say stuff to him like ‘Marty, you would look great with a mustache.’ I was actually the guy who gave him the idea to march in Selma, and I actually explained to him how racism worked. We hung out all the time, we were basically inseparable for years, so I never had time to meet that creep Jeffrey Epstein,” said Trump. “Those photos you see of me with Epstein are all part of an elaborate hoax cooked up by radical leftist lunatics like Joe Biden. There is plenty of evidence that Biden used Photoshop to doctor those photos, it’s sad that people believe it. But in the words of my good pal, my favorite Black guy, MLK ‘I have a dream, and that’s for everyone to stop talking about Epstein, because Donald Trump doesn’t know the guy.’ Beautiful words, more important now than ever.”
Trump supporters were thankful for the release of these new documents.
“The Deep State goons were afraid of MLK and Trump’s friendship. Right here on page one of the report it talks about how Trump would play basketball with MLK three to four times a day, and how Trump would never lose, and would get 75 rebounds,” said MAGA diehard Danny Sullivan. “What I found most fascinating was the transcripts of the secret government recordings in MLK’s home. There is one point where he is talking with Coretta Scott King about how Trump never wrote any birthday card to Jeffrey Epstein. Clearly we were never meant to see this, and I just wonder how the liberal media is going to spin this to make Trump look bad.”
Skeptics pointed out multiple factual errors in the new report.
“Nothing in the timeline makes sense. There is no credible evidence that President Trump and Reverend King ever met. Not to mention, Jeffrey Epstein would have been 15 years old when Reverend King was assassinated. The country’s most popular civil rights leader simply wouldn’t be talking about a high school sophomore,” said historian Amy Luy Lim. “There is even a part of this report that claims Trump convinced MLK Jr. to accept Jesus Christ as his lord and savior. It says Trump was doing charity work in Alabama when he met a young atheist named Martin, and Trump read to him from the Bible every night until Reverend King decided to become a minister.”
At press time, the Trump administration plans to reveal a new batch of documents about the JFK assassination that will prove Trump never had an affair with adult film star Stormy Daniels and paid hush money during the 2016 election cycle.