MINNEAPOLIS — New couple Rachel Kim and Tyler Bennett were reportedly blissfully unaware that their relationship would not survive its first game night, with both describing the romance as remarkably easy and natural despite the fact that it was only hours away from collapsing entirely, sources confirmed Friday.
“We just click, you know? We share the same values, communicate well, and just really respect each other,” said Bennett, still unfamiliar with each other’s remarkably specific definitions of fairness and desperate need to be right. “Everything has been so effortless. It feels like we’ve known each other forever. I could see this one going all the way. Can’t wait for game night tonight. I’m really into knowing all the rules. She seems more easygoing about it, but I’m sure that won’t be an issue.”
Game night host and friend, Evan Morales, says he can already see the cracks forming.
“Things started going south the second someone suggested Drawful,” said Morales, noting the whole night was simply a series of increasingly personal attacks disguised as playful trash talk. “Tyler joked that Rachel couldn’t even make stick figures, which clearly hurt her feelings. Then Rachel accused Tyler of giving a psychotic clue during Codenames before telling him he was being too sensitive. Then after a losing round of Mario Party they both took a full 15-minute break in different rooms to cool down. At one point somebody broke out a Bop It hoping it would cut the tension, but somehow that made things way worse. After that it was obvious they were not making it to tomorrow.”
Relationship therapist Dr. Melissa Grant explained the risks game night poses to new couples.
“Early relationships can survive for months or longer on simple attraction and mutual optimism, until game night introduces scorekeeping, rule disputes, and passive-aggressive public humiliation,” said Grant. “That’s when the couple finally gets to see each other’s full personality, communication style, and capacity for handling minor perceived injustices. It forces the couple to let their guard down and expose their underlying paranoid insecurities that everyone they know and love secretly hates them. Typically, relationships require a full game of Monopoly or Cards Against Humanity to completely dissolve, but honestly, I’ve seen one round of Bananagrams send couples right off a fucking cliff.”
At press time, the couple had reportedly begun using the word “babe” as a slur.
