WASHINGTON — Kid Rock capped off his concert at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with a cover of Woody Guthrie’s “This Land is Your Land” titled “Mein Kampf is Your Kampf,” sources confirmed.
“I always heard ‘This Land is Your Land’ growing up, but when I found out Woody Guthrie was a bitch ass commie I knew this concert was the perfect time to remix his wack phonograph shit into a new dope ass patriotic anthem for the MAGA era,” said Kid Rock, gripping a pen with his fist to write ‘This Masheen Kills Fauci-ists’ on his guitar. “So me and the homie Stephen Miller hit the studio and he said ‘American Badass, meet the OG German Badass’ and slid me a copy of ‘Mein Kampf.’ Next thing you know we recorded some fire panty droppin’ shit that fine high school bitches can shake their asses to at their segregated prom.”
Kennedy Center director Richard Grenell praised the performance, and promised a calendar full of conservative hitmakers in the coming year.
“If you enjoyed the statutory stylings of acclaimed poet laureate Kid Rock, well you’re going to love what we’ve got planned for Diddy’s three-month residency after he receives his Presidential pardon this summer,” said Grenell. “But in the meantime, we’ve got a thrilling concert lineup including Rudy Giuliani’s Rootin’ Tootin’ Ragtime Band, Ku Klux King Gizzard and the Grand Lizard Wizard, and Ted Nugent shooting an AR-15 at a pile of instruments confiscated from an HBCU marching band.”
Part-time President and full-time Kennedy Center chairman Donald Trump was pleased with the performance’s frequent intermissions to heap praise on the GOP leader.
“Wasn’t Kid Rock wonderful folks? You’re very lucky I arranged this magnificent concert after years of biased and unfair performances from woke charity cases like Elton John and Tina Turner, not to mention the talentless children in the Libera Boys Choir who destroyed the Beach Boys beautiful music,” said Trump, snatching the microphone from a paraplegic veteran during the National Anthem. “Many people are saying the Kennedy Center would never recover after Obama ran it into the ground, and that he wouldn’t let Cat Stevens perform until he changed his name to Yusuf Islam. Well I’ll let him beg for an opening act slot if he agrees to change his name to Greg Catholic.”
At press time, Kid Rock was working on a new N.W.A. cover, “Fund Tha Police.”