ST. CLOUD, Minn. — Vice Presidential nominee J.D. Vance found himself in hot water again over his views regarding childless women at a recent rally after stating that women over the age of 30 are not supposed to be happy, sources within the Trump campaign have admitted.
“Listen, all I’m saying is that any woman over the age of 30 who prioritizes a fulfilling existence over being a breeding sow for her husband is an enemy of the state. It frightens me that the woke mind virus would have women believe joy can be derived from traveling and creative expression and not, say, rearing children and doing all the housework,” said Vance. “I believe that in order for this great country to prosper, all women should set aside personal ambition and peace of mind to toil endlessly through a mediocre marriage until they can no longer bear children, then they can be euthanized and go forth to the loving arms of Christ. Any other way of thinking is just deranged.”
Many undecided women voters who attended the rally could not believe Vance was expressing these sentiments out loud.
“Shitting on women for choosing cats over mediocre men wasn’t enough, so now he had to come out and say we’re all insane. What I think is insane was my Trump loving, gaslighter ex-husband who made my life a living hell. I’m infinitely happier on my own and too bad if that upsets Senator Couch Fucker,” said Jane Lawson. “Sorry if protecting my peace is a threat to democracy, but I’m not the only one who’s going to waste their one time on this planet suppressing joy and self discovery to be a trad wife. Keep that shit in Ohio where it belongs.”
Political strategists were dumbfounded by the Senator’s series of unforced blunders.
“Senator Vance’s best course of action would be keeping his mouth shut for the remainder of the campaign. Every time I think he can’t alienate women voters more, he just blurts out some incel talking point unprovoked. It’s unreal,” said Carter Smith. “Last we checked, the Declaration of Independence stated that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness were inalienable rights, so maybe shitting on 55% of the population in order to obtain the second highest position in the country isn’t the smartest move. He’d be better off resigning and spend his days shitposting his backwards views on X.”
At press time, Vance was not helping his case after also saying men who treat their partners with respect are pussies.