SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Two rival drum circles were forced to reconcile their differences and form one civilized unemployment line, sources willing to get close enough to the crunchy collectives reported.
“It all started when the two drum circles accidentally switched rainsticks in the chaos of, ironically, a sudden afternoon rain storm,” city parks monitor Joe Schultz explained while pulling a car battery out of a recycling bin. “Instead of admitting the honest mix-up they accused one another of stealing each other’s gear and since then it’s been a constant back-and-forth. One day they’ll be arguing over who has the right to circle up around the magic stump, the next someone will have put a curse on a didgeridoo and the cycle just continues. Of course, come 9 a.m. on the 15th of the month you can hear the bongos and timbales hit the ground as everyone walks across the street to file for unemployment. Then it’s right back to bitter rivals.”
Lead djembe player for one of the circles Dalton Higsby Chesterworth III, who prefers to go simply by Dust, wanted to set the record straight.
“The trouble with the rainsticks- which we did not start- is hardly the core of the dispute,” Chesterworth explained while untangling a pair of airline earbuds from his thinning blond dreadlocks. “Truth is, our percussion ensemble is the chosen voice of Mother Gaia. It is through our instruments that her message of peace and unity is amplified across all humanity. So when these poser clownbag hacks come rollin’ up to our sacred space to exploit our vibe stash with their rag-tag circle, we have to make them feel as unwelcome as possible in order to restore cosmic harmony. Lining up for unemployment is purely a necessary courtesy since I’ve renounced my parents’ fortune in pursuit of this ascetic path. Meanwhile I strongly doubt those other freeloaders’ right to a handout is any more authentic than their drumming.”
Meryl Koss, state benefit officer for Santa Cruz county, wasn’t the least bit surprised by the behavior of the feuding circles.
“Collecting government assistance has always been the great unifier of this country,” Koss explained with a reassuring sigh. “From clashing protesters to tense paramilitary standoffs, no cause is ever so righteous it’s worth jeopardizing the flow of dole. Beyond that, lots of relationships actually start in the unemployment line. Half of the folks from one of those drum circles are involved with someone from the other. It’s like an office romance for people without a job.”
At press time, the fueding drum circles once again set aside their differences to form one big line at a nearby water foundation to stave off dehydration.