LAS VEGAS — The promoters for the buzzworthy music festival The Good Old Days are extremely excited for the amazing lineup to blow the minds of the few people who can afford tickets, confirmed sources.
“We really wanted to make sure that every artist on the bill was a once-in-a-lifetime must-see while also keeping our firm commitment to the idea that only influencers and the super wealthy will be able to attend,” said festival organizer Duff Blakeson. “This is one of the most insane lineups you’ll ever see, with a reunited Minor Threat sharing the stage with Taylor Swift, not to mention a reunited White Stripes, REM, and the Smiths. And the best part is that there won’t be any poors there to ruin your experience.”
Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg is one of the few people wealthy enough to afford a ticket and has expressed his excitement for the three-day event.
“I look forward to seeing the music program. I like the music. I like all music. And because America is back, music is back,” said Zuckerberg. “So I’ll watch the music be performed, which is something I love and have always loved. As a cool guy, which I have always been, I listen to the rock, but also the rap and the pop. So pretty much all the music. This is a thing people have always said about me, that I listen to the music that is good and know which music cool and should be listened to.”
Veteran music journalist Jen Walker thinks the festival’s lineup is great but feels there’s a real issue with accessibility.
“I’m flabbergasted. Two-hour sets from Wu-Tang, Joni Mitchell, and the Original Destiny’s Child lineup. I mean, somehow they got Blur and Oasis to agree to do a set together where they cover each other’s songs. It’s incredible,” said Walker. “But as far as I can tell, no actual music fans can afford to be there. I mean, Mr. Beast just tweeted, ‘Can’t wait to see Rage Machine at The Good Old Days!’ Does he mean Rage Against the Machine? Because they aren’t playing, right? Are they? At this point, there’s 475 artists playing so I’ve kinda lost track.”
At press time, The Good Old Days sold a total of 23 tickets to who organizers referred to as, “the right kind of people.”