PITTSBURGH — American Eagle announced a series of ads highlighting how good black people are at playing basketball in an attempt at a major course correction after perceived racist undertones in their “Sydney Sweeney has good jeans” ad campaign, company executives confirmed.
“We were mortified when some people perceived the Sydney Sweeney ad as promoting white supremacy,” said AE spokesperson Tiffany Roseland. “At American Eagle, we pride ourselves on being the furthest thing from racists imaginable. That’s why we’re setting things right with a new ad series highlighting the way Black men just absolutely dominate the court. Would a racist company celebrate the fact that Black people’s knack for rhythm and higher bone density make them superior athletes? I think not!”
The ad, featuring a black basketball player dunking over Sydney Sweeney, who turns to camera and shrugs as the words “Those people are just better at basketball” superimposed on the screen, is the first of many that AE executives claim will highlight the achievements of non-whites.
“This is only the beginning, so anyone accusing our company of being white supremacist better get ready to eat humble pie!” said AE Marketing director Kurth Cornworth. “Next up, we’re dropping two simultaneous ads, one about how Latinos are all about ‘la familia,’ and another highlighting how much better Asians are at math. ‘How are they going to use those observations to sell jeans?’ you ask. Don’t worry. We hired the most Jewish ad agency on Madison Avenue; they’ll know exactly how to spin it. After the check clears, of course. If you know what I’m saying.”
Much to the company’s chagrin, the ad has already been met with its own hailstorm of backlash, including from voices on the right.
“Black people dominate basketball? Give me a break!” said staunch conservative Donald Connors. “What about Larry Bird? What about all of the fantastic Russian players? This is nothing but woke white erasure, and I won’t stand for it! Larry Bird actually played a scrimmage in jeans one time, I’d like to see Michael Shaq or whoever do that!”
When reached for comment, AE’s board of directors simply gushed at how well spoken Charles Barkley is.