While they may have been intended for children, that didn’t stop these movies from veering into nightmare fuel. Here are 13 surprisingly dark moments in children’s movies.
The Pink Elephants, Dumbo
Imagine this – you’re 4-years-old watching a hilarious tale of a baby elephant ripped away from its mother, when suddenly those sick fucks at Disney have the gall to insert this scene implying that getting drunk is horrifying instead of totally awesome.
Charlie Bucket’s Grandfather Commits Disability Fraud, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
In a movie full of WTF moments, perhaps the most shocking is witnessing ultimate leech to society Grandpa Joe’s elaborate scheme to lay in bed and collect disability checks while his daughter and grandson support his goldbrickin’ ass.
When the Donkeys are Transformed Back into Humans, Pinocchio
Every one remembers the orphan boys being turned into donkeys. But you likely blocked out the equally traumatizing moment when the donkeys are turned back into boys, particularly their screams of “No! Not sentience again! I was happy as a thoughtless beasts” and “consciousness is a curse!”
Large Marge, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
Uhhhh, excuse me? “Large” Marge?? How was that nickname ever ok?? Claymation ghost trucker or not, fat-shaming is NEVER acceptable.
When the Rat Catcher Fucked All Those Rats, Ratatouille
Sure, the character’s first line in the film is, “I am rat catcher. I fornicate with rats. This is what will happen and I do not control it.” But even still, it is pretty shocking to see it happen in act three after Remi made the big food or whatever.
Flying Monkeys, The Wizard of Oz
Legend has it the studio worked with a cabal of Nazi scientists to surgically remove the wings of Adean condors and graft them onto the spinal columns of trained actor monkeys. Fun fact: The wings were not functional, so that scene of the monkeys “flying” away from the witch’s balcony was actually them falling to their deaths.
David Bowie’s Massive Hog, Labyrinth
A recent Reuters poll found that 87% of Millennials attribute their first ever “fear boner” to the sight of Bowie’s undulating groin in “Labyrinth.” Truly petrifying.
That Sleepover When Your Dog Peed on Scott’s Personal Pan Pizza And Your Mom Told You You Can’t Play Call of Duty, The Spongebob SquarePants Movie
Who could forget the classic “Shell City” scene where Scott out of nowhere starts yelling about how you owe him 6 bucks because your Pomeranian tinkled on his personal meat lover’s even though you warned him Dolly might mark the pizza if he leaves it on the floor?
Literally Every Piece of Children’s Entertainment from England
To quote the effervescent Oscar Wilde, England is a “stupidely bad hellhole of ugly people that also talk stupid.” While perhaps not his wittiest quote, it certainly applies to unintentionally macabre children’s entertainment like “Watership Down” and “Teletubbies.” This would also explain why midwestern parents in the US frequently threaten to send their misbehaving children to pick elderberries in Yorkforshire.
The Horrors of Socialism, Rugrats in Paris
The “Rugrats” are on the big screen and galavanting around the City of Lights. But the babies’ misadventures take a turn for the red after Chucky shatters his arm and has to “visit the hostabull.” Chucky and his widower father are forced to wait hours for care, watching as Band-aids and ointment are evenly distributed among all patients. The scariest part of all? they never even received a bill for the cast!
The Post-Credit Scene of Champ Getting His Anal Glands Expressed, Homeward Bound
While it is crucial to periodically milk canine anal glands, star Michael J. Fox refused to promote the movie unless the producers kept this post-credit scene of rascally bulldog “Chance” absolutely hosing a veterinary technician in butt juice.
That Scene of My Parents Making Love, The Goonies (TBS Version)
The first forty minutes or so of the VHS tape found under my parent’s bed labeled “The Goonies, TBS” is a rip-roaring, swashbuckling adventure. But then the action is interrupted by a seemingly unrelated scene of my parents having sex. Besides the uncomfortableness of watching my nude parents locked in carnal embrace, the odd segment somehow gets more awkward when dad accuses mom of “not taking it seriously enough,” before the movie mercifully returns to One-Eyed WIlly’s ship.