Whether you love livin’ in the city or want a suburban home, get what you need to survive in your local scene.
For Sale
Greeley, CO: Alt-Right Ampeg 4×10 – “Works fine, but some fuckhead carved ‘Aryan Guard’ into the side and now my band can’t play shows until I get a new one. Guard is misspelled.” $400 OBO.
Merrill, WI: 1984 Winnebago Elandan – “Totally gutted, and smells a little weird. It was my old roommate’s before he went train hopping and stopped returning my phone calls. I think he wanted to build a screen printing shop inside or something. 89,000 miles, not that it makes much of a difference. Please, just get this thing off my front yard. The neighbors think I’m cooking meth. Must come pick up. Call Stinkbait’s grandmother since it’s technically hers now.” FREE.
Austin, TX: Kanger Dripbox 160W TC Vape Kit – “Includes the sub-drip RBA, the steel 0.25ohm drip coil, cotton pads, micro-USB charging kit, and 2 oz. cotton-candy-flavored e-juice. Heads up: vaping does not attract women. Will trade for several cartons of Newport menthols.” $80 OBO.
Housing/Real Estate
Portsmouth, OH: ISO Commercial Office Space – “Starting a distro and need a place to put 15,000 misspelled Amebix patches. Can also pay in Ambien patches.”
St. Albans, VT: Room for lease – Bedroom in 5BR, ½ BTH looking for sublet. “$150/month. Easy-going roommates. Only smoke in living room, kitchen, basement, bedrooms, backyard. All six dogs are friendly. Half of us work nights, so we’ll be around to hang out during the day with the others who are in between jobs (Tim works from home… we’re 420 friendly!). If you need, you can store stuff in the basement. Gonna fix the locks soon. Email p[email protected] for more info.”
Jobs
Seneca, NY: Paid Focus Group on Food Products – “A national marketing research firm seeks Men and Women, ages 25-65, for an upcoming Paid Focus Group called ‘Drink This.’ Participants will be compensated $85 for 90 minutes of their time. All interested participants must answer a series of screening questions online to be sure they qualify and can be scheduled. Must be willing to drink or eat all of whatever we mix together, no questions asked; answers revealed in 1-3 weeks barring medical emergency.”
Personals
Birmingham, AL: M4W – “At the gig last night you asked me to stand in front of the bathroom door because it wouldn’t lock and you didn’t want anyone to walk in. Afterwards you asked me for a cigarette and left. You don’t have to draw me a picture, babe, I’m picking up the signs.”
Carson City, NV: Strictly Platonic – “Yo, anyone find my shoe? Size 11 Black vans. Lost in pit. Lemme know, thanks.”