Steve Packosky
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DES MOINES, Iowa — Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan reportedly resolved to hit a beer keg with his baseball bat…
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Patrick Coyne
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LOS ANGELES — A shocking new report by citizen journalist/unemployed man Gary Russo claims that skateboarder Tony Hawk did not…
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Chris Bowen
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ALBION, N.Y. — Local curmudgeon Hadwin McKlusky fell victim to a vicious prank played by neighborhood kids in which they…
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Steve Packosky
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LA MESA, Calif. — Prolific thrash metal frontman Dave Mustaine started a rival retirement organization after being removed from the…
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Ben Friedman
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EATONTOWN, N.J. — Local man Brian Johanssen admitted that he is still grieving the loss of his favorite radio station…
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James Knapp
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WASHINGTON — Ian MacKaye was recently spotted scrambling down a block, knocking over multiple children and old people who were…
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Nathan Kamal
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PORTLAND, Ore. — The recent breakup between aspiring singer-songwriter Davy Briggs and girlfriend of two months Evelyn Hanna was deemed…
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Ryan Dondero
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SAN DIEGO — Local indie noise band Static Teeth, which consists of just a drummer and a guitarist, left confused…
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Reuben Blanchard
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HARTFORD, Conn. — Local metalhead and rabid Carcass fan Nick Patterson was shocked to learn that despite how it sounds,…
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Peter Woods
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CHICAGO — Local punk Rikki Fedlimid felt remorseful after getting a tattoo of a dog shitting razorblades to show his…
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