Mike Maher
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WASHINGTON — America’s longstanding symbol of freedom, the bald eagle, was replaced by the Costco rotisserie chicken as the official…
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Rob Ryder
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BALTIMORE — Local venue the Rusty Nut is reported to be heated by a single eight-outlet power strip, confirmed several…
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Steve Packosky
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CINCINNATI — Bolt Thrower fan Harold Rodriguez was disappointed in the reaction to his custom playlist by fellow members of…
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Evan Vest
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MILWAUKEE — Local punk Noah Vickens harbored resentment against people who don’t bat an eye at his appearance, confirmed sources…
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Antonio Cruise
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JERUSALEM — Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reportedly forced his weekly game night attendees to play Crimes Against Humanity for…
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Matt Husser
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CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple CEO Tim Cook announced that the tech giant would begin harvesting beloved Saturday morning cartoon icon…
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Frederick O'Brien
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I knew going into the office kitchenette was a mistake. I foolishly exchanged pleasantries with someone from accounting, I think…
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Doug Kolic
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ATLANTA — Hooters officials announced a new promotion for their chain of nearly 500 restaurants nationwide to offer free food…
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Bobby Korec
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MINNEAPOLIS — Registered sex offender Tim Finhook was court-mandated to go door to door in an effort to inform neighbors…
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Matt Oriente
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CHICAGO — David Arrivale and Michelle Esposito were tragically separated after wandering too close to a mosh pit during a…
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