Okay, listen up you dirty piggies, because my wife and I are tired of all the messages we’ve been getting from all of you DUDES. YES, we are an open, polyamorous couple, YES, we are seeking a unicorn, and to be perfectly, 100% CRYSTAL CLEAR by UNICORN we mean an equestrian beast with a magical horn on its head willing to fuck BOTH OF US!
STOP hitting us up if you’re a single guy. STOP hitting us up if you’re a couple looking to “swap.” STOP hitting us up if you are a regular-ass horse. We are VERY SPECIFIC about what we want in a partner and we have HIGH STANDARDS!
We’re not looking to kink shame anyone, but we like what we like! When I was very young I liked to read fantasy novels, and the first time I saw an illustration of a unicorn in all its majesty, I knew that I just had to fuck one. My partner has a similar origin, and we are trying to live our best life TOGETHER. Respect that, or FUCK OFF!
Our hunt has been very fruitless and frustrating so far. Even after sifting through the COUNTLESS messages from people who can’t be BOTHERED to read our profile and chatting with hot magical unicorns in our area they always wind up saying they only want to fuck her and that I can “maybe watch.” Sorry, Pegatrix The Majestic, WE DON”T SWING THAT WAY!
It doesn’t matter how snow white your coat is, what sort of magic you can do with your horn or what kingdom you used to rule before a dark wizard turned you into a horn horse, WE’RE A PACKAGE DEAL!
So, if you’re a magic unicorn who is open to playing with a couple and HONEST, please hit us up. We are open to all unicorn body types, races, and colors. One last note, if you are a unicorn with wings, sorry friend, that’s a Pegasus, MISS US with that shit! We’re NOT PREJUDICE, we just don’t find wings sexually attractive, and that’s FINE.