Nothing makes a neighborhood cooler than a Little Free Library. Its DIY aesthetic serves as a beacon of hope that, yes, people who live in your immediate vicinity are literate. But while they are mostly a boon for communities, they’re not all perfect. I’ve seen plenty of them on my neighborhood walks filled with garbage like math textbooks, actual human feces, and worst of all, James Patterson novels.
Fortunately, I just found the next best thing. It’s essentially an exact copy of the Little Free Library but on a much larger scale. It’s called “Barnes & Noble” and I just jacked like $400 worth of books from them and no one cared.
First of all, there’s literally an entire display of books the second you walk into the foyer for easy pickings. Yes, they’re mostly shitty cookbooks and C-list children’s picture books but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? I just grabbed ‘em and walked out. Literally nobody stopped me.
One thing I would recommend is to roll in there with baggy clothes. You’d be amazed by how many paperbacks can fit into a pair of breakaway basketball sweats. Yoga pants also work thanks to their elasticity and you can walk out with eight romance novels or one copy of “Infinite Jest.”
Now I’m sure you’re all thinking that I could just visit an actual library instead of committing larceny. Well I live in a red state, and it’s only a matter of time before the unholy army that is Moms for Liberty rolls through and starts banning everything decent. They’re far less likely to go after a privately owned chain store, which is why I helped myself to all the Howard Zinn I can carry while running out the door at full speed.
When all was said and done I had a pretty good mix of 20th century classics and Criterion Collection movies. And the best part is that when I’m done with them, I can drop them off at my convenient neighborhood miniature book dispensary for all to enjoy and start the cycle anew at the other Barnes & Noble across town.
Besides, this is what they get for trying to push those dumbass Nook e-readers on us.