Hold onto your hats partners, because the most sensational extravaganza of the year just blew into town. We may have just witnessed one of the most fantastic displays of talent in our modern times, effortlessly executed by a woman barely taller than a barstool.
That’s right folks, gather ‘round because we’re looking at the second coming of Annie Oakley because this firebrand just shot down ten guys in six seconds.
“I was just doing what comes naturally. Men are pretty dumb where I’m from, and pretty much everywhere I’ve traveled, I suppose. For some reason I’m a magnet for mediocre men who think they can impress me with their dumbass finance jobs or try to race me in the parking lot when they find out I was a track star in high school.” We’re just lucky she wasn’t actually packing a pistol like ol’ Annie or we’d have a goddamn massacre on our hands!
Yessir, ten consecutive overconfident men didn’t know what hit them after attempting to brag about their personal accomplishments and quiz her about the football jersey she was wearing. It’s just slightly unfortunate they had to be eviscerated so thoroughly, but her jabs were so astonishingly accurate that the entire bar couldn’t help but watch in amazement.
“Yeah, I know the telltale signs when the wolves start circling. Tonight I guess a few of these bozos saw I was wearing a Tee Higgins jersey and one of them decided I needed to name three other players, so I named the offensive and defensive starters and then asked him to name three times his mother was proud of him. I got into a good rhythm after that and put down some other assholes looking in my direction. I knew I was surrounded, so I just let loose and took everyone out.”
It’s not every day you meet a woman you can cut a man down before they can get a word in edgewise, but like Oakley she made a show out of it almost effortlessly. She ripped on their juvenile fashion sense and lack of hygiene like she was shooting ducks. And that last sucker who attempted to smooth things over before she jumped on the bar and called him ‘short king’ without even spilling her drink? With showmanship like that, we’d gladly pay to see her do that across the globe.
“If anyone else here is willing to learn, I can teach them a trick or two about getting annoying guys away from you as quickly as possible. Busting balls just takes practice, and lord knows I’ve had lots of it.” Talk about showmanship!