I’ve really been missing hangouts with my best friend ever since she had her baby. It’s been nearly impossible for us to find time to get together, but luckily last week she finally invited me over to meet him.
I was super excited to see her, plus I’d finally get to meet the guy that’s been bogarting every second of her free time. Knowing he’s going to be a part of my bestie’s life forever, I really wanted to make a good impression. I bought him a gift, put on a cute outfit, and went over to her place. But the little jerk showed up completely unprepared.
I’d spent the past 6 days practicing pronouncing “Ryder” in the mirror so I could get it just right. I addressed him by name as soon as I saw him, but he called me “Baba”—he obviously couldn’t be bothered to remember my name at all. Then he put his hand out so I shook it. But he just let his hand hang there, completely disinterested. Also his fingers were wet? Which was pretty gross. And to be honest, a little disconcerting.
I had brought him a stuffed Bluey on my friend’s suggestion, so I whipped that out and handed it to him, hoping that might do the trick. He snatched it out of my hands, sucked on it, and then threw it on the floor. It started becoming pretty clear that he couldn’t care less about me, at all.
He also kept ignoring me when I was speaking and just grabbed at my friend’s breasts, which is wildly inappropriate. I mean, it’s not the first time some creep has been trying to grab her boobs while we’re hanging out, but it’s crazy to be doing that in her own home.
Eventually, I decided to just tell Ryder a bit more about myself and brought up some topics we might connect on, like a mutual love of dogs. He grabbed my phone when I showed him a picture of my puppy, and then stuffed the phone down his pants. At that point I’d had enough. I let my friend retrieve the phone from his diaper and then said I had to go.
The whole thing ended up being incredibly disappointing. I’m not trying to backseat parent, but she really needs to have a serious talk with him about how to treat her friends, especially if he ever wants to hang out with me again. But, seeing as I’m the forgiving type, I’m willing to give him another chance when he has a slightly larger vocabulary. If he apologizes.