There’s nothing we millennials love more than a tall, cold glass of nostalgia. We were raised on Pogs, Beanie Babies, and beauty standards of a deeply rigid and unhealthy variety. Of course, we love a fun look back!
But at this point, most of the easy nostalgia topics have been covered. So we dug through some very repressed memories to find the target of today’s little nostalgia trip: videos of beheadings and executions produced by al-Qaeda that left a traumatic imprint on our brains. Strap on your Heelys and let’s roll down memory lane!
1. The First One You Saw
No one forgets their first time, whether it be playing Super Mario 64 or watching grisly, grainy footage of an execution. One of the kids who sat near you said “Hey everyone, wanna see something funny?” Of course, you did, so you wandered over. Nausea rose in your stomach as you tried to process what you were seeing. The innocence of youth evaporated from your body in an instant; you were an adult now. After a quick run to the bathroom to vomit, you came back ready to spank Mavis Beacon’s ass in typing challenges!
2. The One The Class Bully Made You Watch by Holding Your Face In Front of the Computer Monitor
The class bully, who would later die of an overdose seven years after graduation, grabbed both sides of your head and held it close to the monitor while you resisted. You tried to close your eyes but he somehow Clockwork Orange’d his greasy thumbs to hold your eyelids open. You didn’t talk much at dinner that night. Can you believe Subway foot-longs used to be $5? 2003 was such a trip.
3. The One You Thought Was a Flash Game
Up to this point, you took solace in the fact that it was never you finding these disgusting videos. But not this time — you thought you were innocently clicking on a Flash game along the lines of Kitten Cannon. But nope, it was a fake link and the Flash player brought up yet another execution. ‘Maybe it was fake and they were actors’ you’d tell yourself as you coincidentally rushed to drama class.
4. The Ones You Found While the Computer Teacher Was On the Phone With His Divorce Attorney
At this point, you refused to be surprised by another beheading video. So as a way of trying to best the situation, you took a proactive approach. You had become desensitized and sought to wreak havoc on someone else to pass on the curse, in a way. You asked your neighborhood friend to come to help you with a problem, and BLAM you hit em with the ol’ terrorist snuff film. They cried instantly and while you forced laughter to diffuse the situation, you realized that no other generation had to deal with shit like this; you also couldn’t help but notice the vague feeling that it would only get worse for your fellow millennials as the years go on. When are they going to bring Teen Titans back?