A person always has a razor-blade, piss, and a cigarette readily available, and whether you’re in the alley behind a bar or lost looking for a venue with an obscure door, you need to know how to utilize these tools.
As our crust-punk elders teach, it is a sin to waste any part of the cigarette. Here’s how to make the most out of that crushed loosey in your jean pocket.
Use Filters As Earplugs
Living at home with thin walls? Don’t want to hear your father telling your mother about how you need to move out? Use two filters as ear plugs and rest peacefully thinking your parents love having you home. Blissfully exist without hearing people cry because you’re not more like your brother.
Roll A Spliff
Cut the cigarette open for tobacco and use half for a spliff right now and save the other half to follow a spliff later. Cigarette meal planning saves money and stretches our resources.
Season Food
The ash is not the waste of the cigarette, it’s the seasoning. Sprinkling ash in a stew, on barbecue, or uncooked ramen gives it a nice smokey flavor. Impress your fellow punks with your culinary prowess and rich tobacco flavors.
Use The Paper To Write Lyrics
Cigarette paper can be used as a post-it note but without the sticky part. Crush up the ash to make pigment, mix it with water and with a feather pen you can write lyrics for a 2 minute song about what it was like in high school 12 years ago.
Stop Bleeding
Cigarette filters can be used to make feminine hygiene products. Scavenge for butts on the ground after a show and with enough filters make a tampon. Quadruple the number to create a panty liner.
Make Your Own Clothing
Pack a day smokers will have enough filters and paper byproduct over a year to make their own organic cigarette jacket. Use saliva-joined papers for the fabric and plenty of filters for insulation. It’s as warm as a fine down coat and WAY more hardcore then the army jacket you stole from that thrift store.
The next time you bum a cigarette off a stranger remember to thank Satan, for you can now understand the bounty he has given you.