Well, I did it! After weeks of updating my resume, blasting job sites, and interviewing for several positions, I landed the most impressive-sounding job I’ve…
The ‘70s are back, baby, and they’re right here in my 250-square-foot apartment. I’m reliving the debauchery of the decade by masturbating to completion, taking…
Someone has got to stop him. He keeps doing it and it’s not funny. It wasn’t funny the first time and it’s not funny now,…
We all remember The Bloodhound Gang, right? I mean, maybe not all of us. But if you’re like, between the ages of 30 and 40…
So a lot of people are talking about me, about how I cracked the code to their album, how I unleashed the songs imprisoned inside…
When a woman joins a group of all men–whether it be a night out with her boyfriend’s bros, a conversation at the water cooler, or…
I took ASL classes for a year because I didn’t want to look like an asshole at tonight’s Godspeed You! Black Emperor show. I couldn’t…
Whatever happened to liberty? What happened to freedom? What happened to the pursuit of happiness in this country, i.e. money off the backs of the…
In 1972, ascendant British prog rockers Pink Floyd challenged the artist/audience relationship by releasing their concert film Live at Pompeii. The band chose to play…
I have been utterly fantastic lately: my thoughts are rapid, my emotions are shifting back and forth at breakneck speeds and I feel all of…
President Biden’s SAVE plan, his audacious agenda to cancel student loans for millions of Americans, was immediately embraced by the public when it was revealed…
Time flies. One minute you’re young and invincible with your whole life ahead, and the next you find yourself thinking “wow, what a banger” while…
We’ve all been in this situation: the luxurious cruise ship on which you were traveling for some well-earned relaxation time in Mallorca crashed into a…
I love this country. I bleed red, white and blue. I believe in the ideals laid out by the forefathers of this nation. I am…
As the hole in the crotch grows larger than each leg hole, my wife begs me to buy a new pair of Hanes! First of…