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Opinion: These New Fans Keeping the Thing I Love Financially Viable Are Just the Fucking Worst

You know what really pisses me off? These Johnny-Come-Latelys who show up in this fandom that me and my friends slaved over cultivating for the last 30 years and just spend their money keeping this thing that my friends and I love afloat and financially viable, but then disrespect us by not immediately agreeing with all our correct opinions!

Not only do they have the unmitigated GALL to show up late to this party, just because they were only born recently, they act like they get to have a say in the direction it goes creatively just because they’ve actually spent money on it instead of lording their length of time being a fan of it over people on Discord, Reddit, and whatever other forums me and my friends frequent to brag about how long we’ve been real fans!

And don’t even get me STARTED on these fucking assholes who want to actually analyze it for deeper meanings beyond what is flatly stated in the material, like shut up and sit back and FUCKING COMPLAIN about how awesome it used to be! WE were posting on BBS boards in the NINETIES about how much more we knew about meaningless minutiae that wasn’t the result of actual creativity, but necessities of budget and other constraints when it was created! Stop engaging with it on a deeper level of underlying themes and cultural contexts, just memorize sterile facts and shove your own beliefs onto them!

Look, it’s really simple: when this product that me and my friends have attached our egos to went dormant for all those years, we kept talking about how it should come back, how nothing compared to it, and how awesome it was, and just because it was brought back because a whole new generation started spending actual money on it to show studios, creatives, and investors there was real demand and not just casual, masturbatory nostalgia, that doesn’t suddenly GRANT them a spot at the table.

At the end of the day: we’ve been watching this thing longer than you, and that makes us better. I don’t make the rules, I just slavishly obey them when it benefits me and my insular group…anyway, I’ll take a Baconator, a large Frosty and…I guess some fries?