Opinion: I’m Sorry, Your Honor, but I Can Only Say “Yes” by Vocalizing the Riff From Collective Soul’s “Shine” and Then Singing “Yeah”

Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, Your Honor. My name is Terrence Holloway. I understand the charge.

Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, Your Honor. I have fixed the broken taillight and have documentation proving the issue has been corrected.

I’m sorry, Your Honor — I should have explained this right away. You see, Your Honor, I was eight years old in 1994. D2: The Mighty Ducks had just opened in theaters that March. It was the sequel to the 1992 film The Mighty Ducks and picked up (sort of) where the original left off. The film opens with hotshot Minneapolis lawyer turned devoted hockey coach/mentor/father figure Gordon Bombay, played by a smoldering Emilio Estevez, in the minor leagues…

What? Oh. Sorry, Your Honor. I’ll skip the synopsis. If you haven’t seen the films, you really should.

Anyway, after seeing the movie in theaters, I begged my parents to let me play hockey. They were hesitant at first, but eventually relented. At my very first practice — before I could even put on my helmet — I slipped on the ice, hit the back of my head, and went out cold. When I opened my eyes, my entire team was looming above me. Echoing through the Brewster Ice Arena, surrounding me on all sides, was Collective Soul’s “Shine.” It had just been released and was climbing the charts, on its way to peaking at number 11 on the Billboard Hot 100. Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, it was a huge hit for those guys. 

The doctors told my parents I’d suffered a focal traumatic brain injury to the left inferior frontal gyrus and a partial disruption of the basal ganglia-thalamocortical loop. They said injuries like mine can cause the brain to “latch onto” the most salient auditory memory at the time as a compensatory neural pathway. In layman’s terms: sometimes I say “yes” by doing the riff from “Shine” and then singing the “Yeah” part.

Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, it doesn’t happen all the time. Mostly, it comes out when I’m anxious or in the presence of a traditional figure of authority, which is why it just happened now.

Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, Your Honor. I continued to play hockey through college despite my injury. My nickname was “Nah Nun” after the part in the riff where they go “nah nun.” Dun nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nah nun nun nah nun nah yeah, your Honor, probably not the best call.