I’ve been listening to this podcast for a while now, and I could probably recognize the hosts’ voices from a mile away. Yet, I have no idea what one of them actually looks like. Probably just looks like a dude with a podcast, right? I saw the other guy do stand-up in San Diego last year and he pretty much looked how I expected. Well, time to find out for sure!
Well, I’ll be damned. That’s what he looks like?
It’s definitely him. It’s his verified Twitter and everything. But I still can’t make the connection between the guy who I’ve devoted hundreds of hours listening to talk about the social implications of Gossip Girl and the images looking back at me.
He’s pretty good-looking. I mean, I didn’t think he’d be unattractive. I just thought he’d look like the other guy, just kind of normal. But no, he’s pretty hot. I figured he’d have a beard or something, but he’s completely clean-shaven. And his hair is dirty blond? I thought it’d be brown and that he’d be balding.
I’m not saying podcast hosts all look the same. But if you ask me to describe what your typical pop culture podcast host looks like, he would not fit my description. But from now on, every time I hear him talk about Chace Crawford’s eyebrows or how Blake Lively pronounces certain words, I’m going to be imagining how he looks like he runs a mineral water-based startup.
Why does his voice sound like that? He has a pretty nasally Midwestern accent. Which, again, is no big deal. But it just doesn’t match this image at all. He has to know, right? Like, it has to have visibly shaken people when he’s spoken in public.
His name is “Alan.” People named Alan don’t look like this, right?
Maybe it just feels weird because I’m looking at pictures. Let me click one of these vlogs he does. That’ll probably make a big difference.
Shit, it just feels weirder now. Like it’s his voice but he’s dubbing over a guy who could get a speaking role on Succession if he knew the right people.
Whatever, though. It’s not like I’m gonna stop listening. Especially not when they’re about to talk about the Armie Hammer arc.
Oh fuck, that’s what his wife looks like?