Unlike most guys, who bond over things like protein, music, and how much protein is in music, my chosen community is r/CSectionCentral. I’ve always felt more comfortable around women than men, and as my wife, Angela, recovers from her own C-section, I’m grateful that I’ve been able to help the anonymous moms on this subreddit by sharing the intimate details of what Angela is going through.
For instance, when user FlowerPower472 posted about that terrible “trapped gas” feeling at 48 hours post-op, I responded that Angela — who is a total warrior, by the way — also had debilitating pain in her abdomen (and shoulders! Referred pain is crazy!). What helped my wife was Gas-X, taking walks down the hospital corridors, and ultimately a nurse-administered enema. I included a picture of her on the toilet because she’s beautiful to me no matter what.
But I don’t just post about my wife. I share my own experiences, too. I thought it was important to enumerate all the ways I’ve been helping with the baby, so that these badass lady Redditors know they should be leaning on their partners a LOT during recovery. Many of them have upvoted my posts, though a few have responded asking how I have time to write out long, detailed accounts of my contributions if I’m also doing the bulk of the childcare, laundering soiled burp cloths, and cooking all the meals. What can I say? Even in the most welcoming online communities, there are bound to be a few trolls.
When my wife found out I was helping other women feel less alone by posting about her scar, her inflamed vulva, and her struggle with hemorrhoids, she was upset. She said I was violating her privacy in order to get validation from internet strangers. I wanted to be gentle with her, because I know she’s still healing, but I had a moral obligation to call her out on being a bad feminist. To quote Taylor Swift quoting Katie Couric quoting Madeline Albright, “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” In response, she muttered something incoherent about how my temporary incel status had turned me into a performative troglodyte.
I feel compelled to let my C-section sisters know that if they’re feeling irrational anger, it’s just the result of postpartum hormones, and they’re not alone!
