It’s 4/20, and you’re probably thinking, “Who cares, I already smoke weed every day,” right? Well, what if I told you that even the most seasoned of stoners could make their 4/20 celebrations magical and whimsical? Gone are the days of you thinking, “What’s so special about smoking a joint and watching Hot Fuzz when I do that every Sunday? How could I possibly make this 4/20 memorable?” I have come up with a foolproof method to inspire and delight yourself this and every 4/20.
Picture this: Miami, 2010, opening weekend of “Tron: Legacy.” I got stoned out of my butt to watch Thirteen from “House” drive cars made of light and decided to treat myself to some movie theater pizza. I ordered, they told me it would be 10 minutes, I paid, and, out of habit, I returned to my seat. About 20 minutes later, deep into a “Gnomio and Juliet” preview, my munchies said to me “man, a pizza would fucking slap right now.” And that’s when I remembered I already had one waiting for me.
Eating that surprise pizza at that hella-mid movie was one of the greatest experiences of my life, and I vowed to find a way to capture the magic for future celebrations.
Here’s how you’re going to surprise yourself with a nice dinner by getting high and forgetting you made it.
1. Choose a recipe
For obvious reasons we’re going to try and pick on that won’t burn easily. We’re not doing pizza, roasted veggies, or oven baked chicken wings unless you want to have to explain in court how you burned down an entire apartment complex. We’re going to lean heavily into the simmer. We’re talkin’ succulent soups, stews, and sauces.
2. Consume marijuana
While you’re cooking, you’re going to be smoking a joint or doing your edible of choice. Remember it’s 4/20, so leave those gentle sativas on the shelf. Today is the day to bust out that jar of Captain Junkie you haven’t touched since it made you freak out at that family brunch. Once you realize you’ve been mincing the garlic for an hour now, you know you’ve reached the optimal amount of stoned to forget you even cooked this meal in an hour.
3. Go down an ADHD rabbit hole
Once you get to the simmer stage, you’re going to either go on YouTube or Google for a deep dive. Here are some suggested topics: lesser-known Coppolas, the personal life section of Ralph Fiennes’ Wikipedia page, or anything at all relating to Walton Goggins. You will lose yourself in this, but eventually, your munchies will say, “Hey, I could really go for some shakshouka right about now.” At this point, you will smell the delicious scents from the kitchen, and your cravings will be instantly rewarded with perfectly simmered tomato-y goodness. You will probably burn your mouth, but it’ll be so perfect you won’t care. Enjoy. You deserve this.
4. Wait, is that the smoke detector?
Eventually, you’ll eat yourself into a wonderful slumber on the recliner, only to be rudely awakened by a life-saving device. Looks like you bumped the gas nozzle up to high on your way out of the kitchen again, and you have sauce-napped your way into an emergency. Grab your photo albums, small sentimental objects, and of course, your stash, then get the fuck out of there.