Fuck! I made a huge mistake at work and now I’m paying for it dearly. My huge mistake? Not making mistakes!
Unlike my coworkers, I’m not constantly fucking shit sideways. I’ve shown a level of competency at my job which means my superiors are now dependent on me to make sure that the work is done correctly around the warehouse. Has said competency been rewarded with an increase in pay? Nope, just a mounting pressure to continue going above and beyond or I will be fired.
My main problem is that I’ve shown the ability to critically think and solve problems which keeps getting more work piled on top of me. For example, I was the guy who figured out how to get the squirrels out of the roof rafters so now I’m the head squirrel guy. I’ve also been tasked with operating the shipment tracking software, fixing the constantly clogged toilet, and calming down the boss when his ego gets hurt. Wrangling squirrels and my temperamental boss are very taxing jobs which are well beyond my job description of forklift operator.
The thing I’ve come to realize is my fellow employees aren’t dumb. In fact they’re actually quite smart because they know that effort isn’t rewarded around here. I asked my boss for a raise and was told “Work is its own reward” and explained to me how work makes you free. I would try to work less or make some mistakes but they already know that I know better. This means that they’re less likely to be lenient on me when I screw up, unlike how lenient they are with Steve the Screwup who as the name implies is a screw-up. They let him do whatever because they don’t expect anything out of him making him the smartest guy here.
When I threatened to quit, my supervisor counter-threatened to write a stellar letter of recommendation for me and send it to any new bosses I might have. It would be filled with effusive praise of my abilities and what a hard worker I was, meaning no matter where I went, this specter of competency would follow. Maybe it’s time to fake my death so I can start fresh elsewhere. I’ll get Steve the Screwup to fake dropping a tower of pallets on me. Or maybe he’d actually kill me because of his constant screw-ups. Either way, I’ll finally be free.