Here at DraftKings, we strive to provide a safe and fun environment for all your sports betting needs. But like anything in life, throwing your hard-earned money on the odds of twelve simultaneous bets hitting at once comes with detrimental financial and mental risks. That’s why we want to remind any of you who come to us for their gambling entertainment to do so responsibly by recognizing the signs of having a gambling addiction.
But in saying that, if you do have a gambling problem, well then, we couldn’t be happier about it!
We know how exciting the feedback loop of winning bets can be. That’s why we spend $100 million per year on advertising to flood every waking second of your day with Kevin Hart commercials and sports analysts discussing odds over actual gameplay. There is quite literally no escape, so why not give in and let DraftKings dominate all your financial decisions and impulse control?
We raked in over $6 billion in revenue last year alone, and we certainly didn’t achieve that by telling people to quit gambling.
But for the sake of meeting the bare minimum requirements, please know when we provide the gambling addiction hotline in size 5 font at the bottom of our ads that we’re doing so with a metaphorical wink, because our in-house research shows that anyone who’s been forced into an intervention by their loved ones is just one parlay hit away from quitting their job. Trust us.
Don’t sit here and act like you think football is exciting. You need something to liven up all the downtime between snaps, so why not fill that void with worrying you’re going to lose your house? You’re just going to spend that money on something stupid, like baby formula or the heating bill.
DraftKings knows you have a choice when it comes to the unyielding proliferation of online sports books, and we thank you for choosing to destroy your life with us. Tell you what, if you don’t tell your wife that you just blew your kid’s college fund, we’ll throw you a $5 credit to try and win it all back on a 1,000,000 to 1 odds bet that the Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl. You’re gonna need that money for the impending divorce.
Just one more bet couldn’t hurt, right?
