WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump boasted that post-shooting vigil candle sales have been “way up” under his administration, during a press conference held yesterday touting…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — A Yale University study confirmed what gamers have known to be true for years: nearly every successfully executed parry in any…
WEST SENECA, N.Y. — Legendary crust punk Selma “Pusbubble” Gormin shocked her friends and fellow squatters this morning, announcing that she was “sick of this…
HAMBURG, N.Y. — Pop-punk powerhouse Iron Chic shouted their entire five-person fast food order in unison at a local Tim Hortons drive-thru Saturday morning, frustrated…
Here at Earth Shields, we set out to create the world’s first direct-to-consumer vegan condom company. Never again will you have to deal with retail…
World’s Scariest Police Chases Trying to Make Every Conversation About Them as Difficult as Possible
World’s Scariest Police Chases Trying to Make Every Conversation About Them as Difficult as Possible
PITTSBURGH, Pa. — Pittsburgh punk brats World’s Scariest Police Chases are on a quest to ensure that all discussion about them ends in a confused…
Now that we have some distance from the launch of Hannah Gadsby’s groundbreaking special Nanette, I decided it’s time to mine for deeper meaning of…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Local punk and 7” record collector Oliver Haggarty fully believes that vinyl records requiring listeners to sit for two minutes, and then…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local man Jackson Green was busted early yesterday morning reading Sum 41’s Wikipedia page when his roommate walked in on him exploring…
Relationships are tough. Getting your most prized possessions back after a breakup is even tougher especially when it comes to one-of-a-kind rapper Earl Sweatshirt. You’ve…
EL PASO, Texas — Kaplan, Inc. is releasing a new, signature model of their SAT Reading & Writing Prep book to honor the intense vocabulary…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Punk bassist and lifelong ne’er-do-well Sergio Vasquez made a startling revelation earlier today, admitting he “truly doesn’t give a fuck” about J.D.…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local drummer Murphy Hartly models his intense drum sound and out-of-control drinking problem after his idol, the deceased Led Zeppelin drummer…
With the recent spate of heinous crimes committed by members of an esoteric online community, many people are beginning to wonder “What is an incel?”…
LOS FELIZ, Calif. — 20-month-old toddler and aspiring walker Addilynn Frosté is growing increasingly annoyed by her father’s inability to maintain a tidy guitar effects…