COLTS NECK, N.J. — 40-year-old Luke Childers grew increasingly despondent as his birthday party came to a close, realizing for the third decade in a…
QUINCY, Mass. — Supermarket chain Stop & Shop announced that their stores would no longer sell cigarettes due to poor sales from the vast decline…
BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. — A troubling economic report revealed that 48% of this year’s projected Burning Man attendees don’t have enough of their parents’…
You’ll be hard-pressed to find a worse man-made blight on this planet than private equity firms. All they are good for is making obscenely wealthy…
Well if it isn’t the new guy! Just so we’re clear from the get go, we do things a little differently around here. This isn’t…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Greg Johannssen claims it’s too early in the year for Starbucks to release pumpkin spice flavored drinks despite the fact his…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local new age lifestyle hippie Moon Sage was forced to reconsider his family’s eating habits after learning the placenta he’s currently eating…
PARIS — A local hardcore show instantly achieved immediate legendary status after Olympic legend Simone Biles single-handedly opened up the pit with a perfect double…
I think it’s fair to say that We Are Scientists is a great band but every time I listen to them there’s this feeling that…
ST. CLOUD, Minn. — Vice Presidential nominee J.D. Vance found himself in hot water again over his views regarding childless women at a recent rally…
QUEENS, N.Y. — Local man Nate McKellen was shocked to find that his landlord slapped him with a massive fine for housing undisclosed roommates after…
WASHINGTON — The US State Department held an emergency press conference this morning expressing that it was honestly a little bit insulted that the CIA…
If there’s one thing that drives me crazy it’s when I see other adults break out the tired “kids these days” complaint for being lazy…
Since the dawn of the Industrial Revolution, the ruling class has done their best to extract as much capital from their workers while subjecting them…
SAYREVILLE, N.J. — The staff of a local Petco could only roll their eyes in secondhand embarrassment as punk Victor Simmons was clearly attempting to…