MINNEAPOLIS — Local highly-observant man Gavin Wells recently started to sincerely wish he was dumb enough to experience genuine happiness, multiple friends confirmed. “Every day…
If you want to know why there’s little to no originality in the entertainment we consume, look no further than your local movie theater and…
LIVINGSTON, Tenn. — Local police officer Brad Jenkins vocally expressed concern that illegal immigrants were in town eating all of the neighborhood dogs he was…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Democratic Vice President hopeful Tim Walz found himself in the middle of a barrage of criticism after it was revealed he…
We used to be a proper country, one with dignity and appreciation for the sacrifices people made in order to make it great. There was…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Up-and-coming country music singer Johnny “Slim” Wilkins saw his dreams of stardom crushed after finding out he was being replaced by an…
COLTS NECK, N.J. — 40-year-old Luke Childers grew increasingly despondent as his birthday party came to a close, realizing for the third decade in a…
QUINCY, Mass. — Supermarket chain Stop & Shop announced that their stores would no longer sell cigarettes due to poor sales from the vast decline…
BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. — A troubling economic report revealed that 48% of this year’s projected Burning Man attendees don’t have enough of their parents’…
You’ll be hard-pressed to find a worse man-made blight on this planet than private equity firms. All they are good for is making obscenely wealthy…
Well if it isn’t the new guy! Just so we’re clear from the get go, we do things a little differently around here. This isn’t…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Greg Johannssen claims it’s too early in the year for Starbucks to release pumpkin spice flavored drinks despite the fact his…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local new age lifestyle hippie Moon Sage was forced to reconsider his family’s eating habits after learning the placenta he’s currently eating…
PARIS — A local hardcore show instantly achieved immediate legendary status after Olympic legend Simone Biles single-handedly opened up the pit with a perfect double…
I think it’s fair to say that We Are Scientists is a great band but every time I listen to them there’s this feeling that…