Mosh Pit Resolves Man’s Issues Quicker than Previous Six Years of Therapy
TOMS RIVER, N.J. — Local punk Harrison Williams found himself experiencing a new sense of inner peace after fucking up…
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Ben Friedman — Page 5
353 stories found
Punk Couple Successfully Gets Baby Into Dive Bar by Dressing Her in Emotional Support Animal Vest
CHICAGO — New mother Kelly Wazowski's night out was saved at the last minute after successfully bringing their newborn child…
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Just Because We’re a Metalcore Band Doesn’t Mean We’re From the Midwest, but Yeah, We’re Only Touring Iowa and Nebraska
I've always believed stereotypes, whether positive or negative, are reductive and paint a picture of entire groups of people. Case…
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Boomer Yells at Restaurant Table’s QR Code for More Ranch Dressing
ROBBINSDALE, Minn. — Waitstaff at a popular local restaurant attempted to calm down 68-year-old Debbie Jeffries off the premises after…
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Trump Derangement Syndrome? This Guy Is Mad the President Repeatedly Violates the Constitution
It doesn’t take a genius to see that political discourse in this country has spiraled out of control to the…
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The Next Morrissey? This Guy Cancels on Every Group Hang
Morrissey is one of the most divisive figures in entertainment. On one hand, a large portion of his work has…
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Do You Have a Gambling Problem? Good — Guest Article by Draftkings
Here at DraftKings, we strive to provide a safe and fun environment for all your sports betting needs. But like…
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Jimmy Fallon Joins ICE to Help Round Up Other Talk Show Hosts
NEW YORK — “The Tonight Show” host Jimmy Fallon shocked the comedy world after revealing he has voluntarily joined ICE…
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Impossible! This Guy Brought a Bag of Clothes Straight to the Thrift Store Instead of Letting It Sit in His Trunk for Three Months
There is a universally accepted unwritten rule that it takes 12 to 15 weeks to move a garbage bag of…
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Report: Cat Playing With Paper Towel Tube Happier Than You’ll Ever Be
MINNEAPOLIS — Researchers at the University of Minnesota released the results of a groundbreaking animal behavioral study, finding that a…
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