CINCINNATI — Brent Samuels, widely regarded as a terrible friend and questionable person all around, abruptly suspended his viewing last night of “American History X” halfway through the film, completely missing the message of the movie.
“Brent just kind of showed up last night unannounced, smelling like whiskey and cigarettes, pestering my friends about what ‘lame hipster movie’ I was going to make them watch,” recalled party host Tim Adomski. “And he was very excited we’d be watching ‘American History X.’ But about an hour in, Brent just stood up and announced, ‘Well, that was fantastic! I guess I’ll be heading out now!’”
“Every time they showed a black and white flashback he would say, ‘Oh, this is my favorite part,’” added Adomski.
Samuels explained his fondness for the film he has technically never finished while he struggled to find his car keys in the bushes outside of Adomski’s house.
“Fuckin’ a, man. That movie was awesome! Too bad it’s only an hour long… though, it is kind of sweet that it ended with Norton’s character making out with his hot girlfriend at that skinhead party after being in prison for all that time,” rambled Samuels. “It’s a shame you don’t see more movies being made these days that highlight hardworking, intelligent, white family men who’ve had enough and band together to clean up the streets. Plus, Derek Vinyard can fucking dunk a basketball — that is fucking sick as hell.”
“American History X” director Tony Kaye was visibly upset when informed of Samuels’ opinion.
“No. Just no,” responded a flustered Kaye. “Jesus fucking Christ.”
Samuels is allegedly planning to host a movie night of his own, in which he will screen “The Birth of a Nation” in its entirety.