BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Recently deceased man Jerry Davidson confessed on his deathbed last week that Juggalos, the clown-faced fans of Insane Clown Posse, are an elaborate hoax he invented to fuck with Vice reporters, shocked sources confirmed.
“There were two things my dad loved: pulling pranks, and fucking with VICE reporters. He’d always send Vice reporters information that the KKK was holding a rally at a local Safeway and just laugh and laugh when they showed up and found nothing more than a sale on Triscuits. But the Juggalo myth was his magnum opus,” said daughter Kristi Davidson-Carillo. “This joke took on a life of its own — all of a sudden, there were ‘I saw a Juggalo’ shirts and ‘Juggalo Country’ bumper stickers being sold at every tourist trap in central California.”
Widow Claudia Davidson explained how her husband executed the outlandish prank.
“For months, he’d leave hatchets and empty Faygo bottles throughout wooded areas of Bakersfield, and place tracks in the mud with a pair of Osiris sneakers. But it wasn’t until Jerry released the grainy, 11-second film clip of the first ‘Gathering of the Juggalos’ that things really took off,” said Claudia. “Of course, the video was just him and his buddies goofing off… but nearly everything we associate with Juggalos is there: white dude dreads, chain wallets, ‘whoop whoop’ ninjas. And now every year, hundreds of fellow jokesters gather each year as a tongue-in-cheek celebration of my Jerry’s video.”
Vice reporter and amatuer cryptozoologist Terri O’Leary was skeptical of the revelation, having spent nearly 20 years covering Juggalos.
“As someone intimately familiar with the very real Juggalo phenomenon, I wasn’t impressed at all with this alleged confession. Sure, it may seem to be the final nail in the coffin of the Juggalo myth. But what about all the flimsy, circumstantial evidence I’ve dedicated my life to over-analyzing?” said O’Leary. “Plus, consider the fact that this so-called ‘definitive proof’ essentially means my entire adult life has been a complete waste of time. And that certainly can’t be true. Right?”
Davidson’s deathbed confession has reignited interest in other music-based conspiracy theories, such as the alleged pyramid scheme of Norway’s death metal scene and Morrissey secretly being a really chill dude.