Walter Becker and Donald Fagen famously named their musical partnership after literary giant William S. Burroughs’ fictionalized phallus from Naked Lunch, but did you know there were other dildos in the running? A recently unearthed entry from Steely Dan’s diary outlines an agonizing process to name the band, with a wide array of dildos that didn’t quite make the cut. Vibrators, floppers, danglers, keychain minis, you name it! Let’s take a look at 8 other influential dildos that the Dan thought long and hard about.
Ass Punisher: While Steely Dan specializes in a unique brand of high-brow jazz rock, the dildo they nearly named themselves after solely specializes in high-octane anal mutilation. Although the band mates found its high-speed settings impressive, they ultimately agreed it would be best if their name didn’t have any swear words in it.
Ding Dong Delight: This little number is great on the go, and its lightweight frame makes it ideal for the average touring smooth jazz musician. Naturally, the Dan were enamored but decided to go with something that had more girth.
Jiggleman’s Bluff: For those that like a little wiggle in their dildo, the Jiggleman’s Bluff from Martel & Sons is the best in the business. Popularized by bebop and swing, this iconic floppy boy was the epitome of cool to the avant jazz-worshipping Becker and Fagen, who ultimately chose to avoid such an on-the-nose dildo for their namesake.
Master Ass Blaster: This one won’t necessarily mutilate your ass like the Ass Punisher, but it is easily the most powerful unit in the Ass Blaster series and is considered an all-around classic. But again, the band felt a swear word in their dildo name would torpedo their chances at commercial crossover.
Pearl Jam: Relatively unheard of in American porno shops, this obscure Norwegian dildo upstart would take another 20 years before rising to prominence in the Seattle Grunge scene.
Pleasure Pro Plus w/ Flexi-Grip Anal Bead Attachments: Easily the best deal on the list, the Pro Plus offers incredible functionality with its patented snap features and attachable pleasure toolset. However, it ended up being too much of a mouthful for the boys in the band at the end of the day.
Steely Doug: This one’s like Steely Dan but fatter.
The ThrobGoblin: The Dan were known enthusiasts of this veiny 9-inch monster from Donkeynut Industries, but when it came to naming the band after it, there was some concern that it would make them sound like an unserious Halloween novelty act. They’re a serious band, in case you didn’t realize.
