Look, I know things are hard for you. Gas prices are high. Groceries are worse. Everything feels expensive, unstable, and like the world is held together barely. I get that frustration. But that does not mean we should ever consider Bill Goldberg for president. That’s for sure.
We need to be clear about this. Bill Goldberg is not just a bad idea. Bill Goldberg is a very specific kind of bad idea. And while people argue about Donald Trump, at least Donald Trump wrote things. About deals. You may not like them, but Donald Trump produced words, thoughts, and sentences, and it became a book. You wanna know what Bill Goldberg’s deal was? Bill Goldberg draws pictures of Bill Goldberg with speech bubbles that say, “I am awesome.” That is not policy. That’s Bill Goldberg.
It’s going to get worse if you still love Bill Goldberg. Foreign policy? This is serious. We are dealing with wars, alliances, trade routes, and global instability. You need someone who can sit in a room and think before acting. You do not put Bill Goldberg in a meeting with world leaders because Bill Goldberg is going to forget where Bill Goldberg is, stand up too fast, and accidentally kick someone in the head out of pure muscle memory. Suddenly, Angela Merkel has to retire because Bill Goldberg kicked Angela Merkel in the head. Don’t shoot the messenger. Bill Goldberg is no Disco Inferno. I like Disco Inferno. To my knowledge, Disco Inferno never kicked nobody in the head. Not like Bill Goldberg.
Then there is the Strait of Hormuz. You do not want that controlled by instinct and shoulder tackles. You want planning, briefings, and strategy. Bill Goldberg only has one strategy, and that is walking forward and asking who is next. Bill Goldberg would just headbutt a few Iranians, get tired, and get paid. That works in wrestling. Barely. But in America, we expect results. Like not getting a concussion. From Bill Goldberg.
I mean, compare Bill Goldberg to history. George W. Bush read briefings. George W. Bush asked questions. Abraham Lincoln held the country together through patience and moral clarity. Bill Goldberg once forgot what Bill Goldberg was saying mid-sentence, ran into a production crate, and gave Bill Goldberg a concussion. That is not the same category of skill.
And that is really the point.
Because in the end, Bill Goldberg is not a solution to anything.
Bill Goldberg is a 0 out of 10.
Fuck Bill Goldberg.
Bill Goldberg.
…Bill Goldberg.
