WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump, famous for his loud, impassioned tirades about such topics as high school trans athletes, the contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop, and the democratic hoax of affordability problems for the average American, reaffirmed his basic indifference toward the death of U.S. soldiers at a recent press conference.
“People often die in war,” shrugged a totally cool, calm, and collected Trump to reporters regarding the death of American sons and daughters, adding, “That’s the way it is.”
Members of the press found this new Donald Trump to be a far cry from the man who, on countless occasions, had screamed himself red in the face endlessly about such trivial things as the size of his own hands, parade attendance, and Taylor Swift.
“I honestly could not believe this was the same man I’ve been covering all these years,” recounted long-time White House correspondent Tricia Harding. “I can tell you, this is the calmest and most concise the president’s comments have been since quipping ‘I like people who weren’t captured’ in reference to Senator John McCain, or dismissing a request to pose with an amputee veteran with a curt ‘It doesn’t look good for me.’ If I didn’t know any better, I would say he is completely indifferent about, or perhaps even mildly gratified by, the notion of U.S. servicemen dying for him. Maybe he was tired that day.”
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth defended the President against accusations of callousness on Instagram Live.
“If you think Donald Trump is disrespectful of military personnel, you clearly did not see him during the dignified transfer of the fallen soldiers. Look at the baseball cap he chose to wear! Not a MAGA baseball cap, not a promotional Trump 2024 baseball cap, no, just a pure white baseball cap with USA on it. Oh, and his presidential number on the side. That is the baseball cap of a man observing pomp and circumstance to its most respectful height! I’d say it’s a hell of a kind gesture considering how bad those troops made him look by being dead like that and all!”
At press time, Trump was rumored to be cutting a deal with McDonald’s, which would supply half-priced Big Mac promo codes to the immediate family of fallen soldiers, good for two weeks after the time of death.
