You know, I really don’t understand why everyone in my life is telling me that I haven’t amounted to anything. After all, if I was such a fuck-up, how would I have been able to work seven jobs over the past year? I was even able to hold onto one of them for longer than a month. But I digress. Here’s a little “fuck you” to all the naysayers out there: five CAPTCHA tests that I fucking crushed this week. Read ‘em and weep, boys.
- Select all squares with BICYCLES
Got this when I was trying to log onto Facebook to share this sick-ass “Stand for the flag, kneel for the cross” meme I saw on r/counteveryvote, and guess what? Absolutely annihilated it in one shot. Got to show all my friends and family, at least the ones who still speak to me, what it means to be a real patriot. You’re welcome.
- Select all squares with CROSSWALKS
This one gave me a little bit more trouble while I was trying to meet remotely with my parole officer, but I passed it with flying colors in just two attempts. I’m not even sure why I still need to meet with the guy. Donald Trump already personally pardoned me for all the worst stuff I did in Nancy Pelosi’s office a few years back. Whatever.
- Select all squares with TRAFFIC LIGHTS
Pssht, like I even need to pay attention to these fucking things when I’m hauling ass in my 2013 Kawasaki KX250F, you know? No matter, because I was able to hit all the squares on the first try, even the one that was off to the side with just a little bit of the traffic light in it, so I could buy tickets for the Breaking Benjamin show next month. Fuck yeah.
- Select all squares with BRIDGES
Ran into this one when I was trying to log on to the Discover website after I got some pushback from the Breaking Benjamin ticket purchase. I swear to God it’s my credit card, so I don’t know what the issue is. At any rate, this test gave me absolutely no issue.
- Select all squares with STAIRS
So I had to meet with my parole officer again, OK? Looks like the little mixup with the credit card is going to be a whole thing. The worst part of it is I might not get to go see Breaking Benjamin live, which fucking sucks. I did crush the CAPTCHA test, but it looks like that’s the least of my concerns right now. Goddamnit.
